Let’s get real why do people put so much pressure on woman having children? I mean seriously what is the rush? I am not saying you should or shouldn’t have kids because I wouldn’t be writing this post if my mom decided not to have them but why do we need to make all women feel like they should want them? People often are quick to assume the reason a woman doesn’t want children is because they are heartless without even thinking that maybe the reason they don’t want them is they have an invisible disability that would make pregnancy much harder. If you are single and without children, you have probably been approached by someone who has bluntly asked you when are you having kids or if your disabled reminding you of the fact you can still get pregnant with a disability. I am well aware of the fact that if I wanted to get pregnant I probably could and the reason I have not tried is not because I think I can’t but because I have not to desire to. Having a disability can make pregnancy a little more challenging and less desirable and some people may not want children because of these challenges. It can be difficult to understand why someone may not want kids so I am going to give few reasons why someone may want to not make that choice.
Disability already has a lot of challenges- If I was not disabled I may have wanted to start a family but because of the challenges and how difficult it would be to raise a family I have lost any desire to want them. I thought maybe I could take care of a child on my own and it wasn’t until my niece as born nearly three years ago I realized that would be possible and I would need help just to change a diaper. I would have no choice but to hire around the clock care to help take care of my child and I don’t know if I would feel comfortable with relying on a total stranger to help take care of my child. It’s one thing if I hire someone for myself because I can speak if I feel I am not being treated fairly but if it was for my infant I would have to watch them like a hulk because they wouldn’t be able to speak up for themselves and if the aid was doing something they weren’t supposed to they would do whatever they could to cover it up and save their job.
Endometriosis Or Any Other Painful Conditions- I am not going to talk much about what endometriosis is because I don’t have this condition and know much about it except that it’s a painful disorder where tissue that normally lines the uterus is outside of it. Having a baby with this condition is possible but common to face challenges during pregnancy or while in labor. People with this condition have more pain during pregnancy and in labor than those without the condition so for many it may not be something they are ready for or ever will be. There are many conditions like this so sometimes a medical condition is the only reason someone is hesitant about getting pregnant! Some people may not be ready for the extra pain during pregnancy or there are just too many risks that they could give their disease to their child which many woment may not be willing to take that risk!
Migraine/ Headache Disorder- Migraines are hereditary meaning that if you or anyone in your family has a migraine or headache disorder there is a risk you could give it to your child. People with these conditions know their pain and understand the risks when gettting pregnant and some may be willing to take that risk while others with more severe pain may not want to risk putting their child through the same misery they endure every day. It’s hard for any parent to watch their child in pain and not be able to do anything about it except comfort them so some parents that know and understand the pain of migraines may make the tough decision of not taking that risk of having children. The risk may be small but still a risk and if you are overly concerned about giving your pain to your child sometimes the only option you have to avoid the risk is to get a dog because there are never any guarantees!
Can’t Afford It– People often are so quick to tell women that they should have a million kids and if they don’t they’re a heartless person without even thinking maybe the reason they don’t is they can’t afford to. I am not ever going to have kids because of my disability and if I were ever dating someone and got pregnant I would probably cry but they wouldn’t be tears of joy! With the many challenges I face I would worry so much about the safety of my child and wonder how I could explain it to them in a way they would understand. I have great insurance now because I can still stay on my parents since I am disabled but if I were to have a kid I would lose that and may have a difficult time supporting them. Some people don’t start a family not because they don’t want to but because they aren’t in a financial situation where they could support a family.
Mental Health Issues- Some people are so depressed that they can barely get out of bed so do you really think it would be wise for for someone with depression that severe to have children? Absolutely no they need to take care of their mental health and get it on track and then maybe if it’s ever to the point when you are functional possibly entertain the fact of having children. Your children need you and if you are in another place with your depression you will not be able to care for in same way because your depression will make you feel exhausted. Your mental health should come first and children second because you can’ take care of your kids if your mental health is not in a good place.
None of Your Business!- Whether your reason for not wanting kids is because you aren’t ready or your career is really taking off don’t ever feel like you have to tell people why you haven’t had children yet. People always ask me why I haven’t had children or if I am ever going to and I don’t mind telling people why but here is the thing it’s actually none of your business! Women don’t have to tell you why they don’t want kids and if they do it’s because they chose to. You are not entitled to know why hasn’t had kids and if you keep pressuring to tell you why they will never give you an honest answer.
If you have any major health issues I am not here to tell if you should or shouldn’t have children because that is up to you and I can’t make that decision for you but I only want to remind you that it doesn’t make you a heartless person to not want kids. Children are a blessing and if you have a chronic condition and know the risks but it’s your calling I see nothing stopping you. I know what your thinking is everyone with health challenges doomed from having children? Nope, and it depends on what disability you have because there are lots of people who face significant health challenges who know the risk but don’t care and still have a family. There are some disabilities with more physical challenges than others and may need to hire more help to raise them so they may feel the same as I do and not be comfortable with living with a total stranger to help to raise their child. Some people may not want to do this because it will cause a lot of anxiety and they won’t like the thought of putting the safety of their child in the hands of a total stranger. Whatever decision a woman chooses let’s respect that and not make women feel guilty for not wanting kids because it’s impossible to know if the reason she doesn’t want to get pregnant is because she struggles with an invisible disability and pregnancy would be more difficult. Believe me when I say if a woman wanted to have children she will do whatever it takes to have them and doesn’t need a stranger to tell her that she would be a good parent because she will do it anyways! Have you been judged for not wanting to have children?
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