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There are a lot of things in life that we have the power to change that is in our control such how much we exercise and how often we are taking our medication, but we can’t control everything that happens to us, and sometimes really bad things happen to that we could not have changed. As humans we want to be able to control everything in our lives because we like it when things go our way but unfortunately things are not always going to work out. As a disabled person I get frustrated all the time because we live in inaccessible world that is designed for able-bodied people and think that I am better at not stressing over things I cannot control than some able-bodied people but sometimes I do get worked up over silly things that weren’t my fault. It’s annoying when bad things happen to good people and sometimes life doesn’t seem fair, but the challenges are part of life because you don’t grow when everything is easy and grow when life is really hard. In this post I am going to talk about some things in life that some people stress over that they shouldn’t be because it’s beyond your control.
The actions of others- During the pandemic people have become very angry and hostile because they don’t agree with someone’s choices to mask or get vaccinated. If you don’t like the choices someone else is making that is okay but you can’t force someone to act in a way, you want them to and all you can do is tell friends that you don’t agree with their choices and hope that they listen to you and change. Do you have to be happy with the decisions your friends are making? No, but should accept them and not be rude about it because in my experience all an angry tweet is going to do is make people block you and are probably won’t make that much of a difference. People tend to be more open listen when you want to have a conversation and tend to roll their eyes at people that are always complaining at the tiniest little things and just want you do everything their way. You are only in control of your own actions and although you can disagree with the decisions someone is making you can’t control the actions of other people and the only thing you can do is talk to them and hope they change. It is important that we advocate about all the barriers disabled people face because change happens when people are aware but at the end of the day you are only in control of yourself and can’t expect people to always see your point of view.
When your health changes unexpectedly- If I were to decide that I didn’t want to take my medication that prevents stones and all of a sudden, I needed surgery to remove stones that would be within in my control but if for some reason something with my bladder stopped working and I was doing everything I am supposed to, I can can’t control that because I can’t change my disability. As disabled person I have more health challenges than able-bodied people and although I can control prevent some hospitalizations by taking my medication regularly, I can’t control everything because I can’t prevent every health problem by eating healthy and exercising. When you are disabled and need an unexpected surgery sometimes, we can beat ourselves up over it and blame ourselves and although sometimes it is fault, most times it’s not and our health changes because we have unpredictable disabilities that sometimes can change as we get older. You can do everything that the Internet says will prevent cancer but that still doesn’t mean you can’t get it because you only have some control over your health and if something in your body changes while doing everything right it’s nothing you could have controlled, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.
The way your body looks- The diet and fitness industry want people to believe that if you exercise and eat healthy that you can get your body to look like a super-model. The foods you eat and how and how much you exercise is within your control but how these healthy habits affect your body is not within control. Some people have medical conditions that make weight loss a million times harder or if you are disabled it might be impossible to get super muscular because you can’t exercise to the extent an abled person can. You can’t always control the way your body looks because sometimes it’s not in genetics to get the body you think you need. You should strive to improve your health rather to look a certain way because even if you are following the same diet and exercise program as someone else that doesn’t mean you will get the same results. We all have different body types and sometimes are unable to look a certain way because our bodies are not built that way.
When you can’t have a bowel movement– In my experience bowel problems are one of the worst challenges of Spina Bifida and although there are ways to manage constipation you can’t completely prevent it and sometimes these things don’t work. You are in complete control over how many prunes you eat and how much you are exercising to prevent constipation but at the end of the day your body decides if these things are going to work or cause you a lot of pain. It is frustrating and sometime embarrassing when your bowel regimen does not work but if you are doing everything right it’s not within your control to make it work. Severe constipation is very painful and can cause you to become very sick, but it is common with you have Spina Bifida and there is not a whole lot of things you can do to change that because the problem is you have bowels that don’t function properly. If you are doing everything right and it doesn’t work, it’s okay to be frustrated but you shouldn’t blame yourself because you can’t change your disability.
When you next migraine strikes- When you live with chronic migraine you spend so much time learning your triggers and trying to avoid your next attacks. The foods you consume and how often you take your medication is within your control but even if you are doing everything right migraine attacks can still happen because it’s almost impossible to avoid every possible trigger. When migraine pain strikes sometimes, we can be hard on ourselves and wonder what we did wrong but sometimes it’s not us and it’s that migraine is a misunderstood disease that still needs a lot of research. Pain flares are frustrating but sometimes we can’t control when they will happen because medication only lessens the severity and prevents some attacks, but it is by no means a cure and sometimes things happen at the absolute worst times.
There are some things in life that we have a complete control such as how often we are taking our medication but there are also a lot of things that we only have some control over. You don’t have to agree with the way people are acting around you but a lot of the time you can’t make people be less ableist or force a business to be more accessible and all you can do is express to people that their actions bother you. As a disabled person I am very much bothered by ableism especially when it comes from family members that should know better but I can’t make people want to be inclusive and all I can do is hope that people see my struggles and want make life easier for me. Some things in life you can control but other things you can’t, and although you can be angry when people are being irresponsible you should try not to get overly stressed about things that you had zero control over because it will make you a happier person when you let go of things and put your energy into things you can control. Do you get upset over things you have no control over?
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