When you are a woman have been in a relationship for a while, sometimes people in your life will approach you and ask, “When are you going to have children?” Women often are pressured into having kids because it is often believed that all women in relationships should start families, and are shamed when they don’t want kids. Children are a blessing, and I have a lot of respect for people who have children, but parenting is not for everyone, and that is okay. I fully support anyone who wants to be parents but you will never see me ask people in my life who are in a relationship when they plan on starting their pregnancy journey. Women shouldn’t be judged for not having kids, but often we are because people think that everyone should have them. Some people do not have any medical reason for not wanting kids, but there are a lot of valid reasons why someone may not want them, and it’s not because we hate children. Why would someone not want to have kids? In this post, I am sharing a few reasons why a woman may choose not to have kids.
Some people may not want to pass their disability down to their kids- As a disabled person, I have been told many times by non-disabled people that I can still have kids with my disability because people tend to think I don’t know. I am well aware of the fact that I may be able to have kids, and I am not pursuing that because I think I am unable to, but because my disability makes me not want them. Parenting is hard for anyone, but it’s ten times harder for disabled people because you have the regular parenting struggles on top of the challenges of your disability. Some disabled people may choose to have kids because being disabled doesn’t mean you can’t have them, but some people may choose not to. Disabled people struggle more than non-disabled people and sometimes fear passing their disabilities down to their children. People in my family are at a slightly higher risk of having a child with Spina Bifida, but it’s a lot easier for someone who doesn’t have Spina Bifida to accept that than it is for me, who lives with it. People without disabilities do not fully understand the challenges that come with a disability. I don’t judge disabled and chronically ill people for not wanting kids because it’s a very personal choice, and it’s okay if you don’t want them.
Some people are not in a good financial situation- Some people do not have a medical reason for not wanting kids, and may not be having them because they don’t make enough money to fully support them. Kids are expensive because you not only have to pay for your needs, but now have to pay for your child’s needs, and it will likely double your grocery bill. Some people struggle to support themselves and are not in a good financial situation to support themselves and live comfortably. You never know what someone’s financial situation is, and sometimes the reason someone isn’t having kids is that they don’t make enough money. You shouldn’t have kids if you are barely getting by and are struggling to support yourself until you are in a better financial situation. Some people want kids but have had to make the hard decision to wait because they are not in a good financial situation.
Some people are not able to have them– Most people are very quick to tell a woman that she would have kids, but they aren’t thinking about the fact that maybe someone isn’t having because they can’t. Some people will tell their families about their fertility problems, while others are too devastated and keep it to themselves. Doctors can sometimes help people with fertility issues have kids, but IVF is often very expensive and sometimes fails. Women who are not able to have kids can adopt or foster a child, but not everyone wants to, and sometimes you want to have your own children. You never know if people in your life are having fertility issues and can’t have kids because sometimes it’s too painful to talk about. It can make some people very sad when you repeatedly ask when they are having kids because it’s a painful reminder of the loss you may have had. Some people want kids but have medical conditions, such as endometriosis, that have made conceiving your kids almost impossible.
Some people shouldn’t have them- We live in a world surrounded by crime, and these days, a lot of people do horrible things. I don’t think we should be pressuring all women to have kids because not everyone is cut out to be a parent or should be. Some people can’t handle a crying baby and end up abusing their children, and those types of people should never have had kids to begin with. It’s so sad to me when I see kids being taken away from their parents because they were abused, because no one should ever have to go through that kind of trauma.
Children are a blessing, and I have a lot of respect for people who have a calling to be parents, but it’s not for everyone, and that is okay. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to have kids, and not everyone is going to have a medical reason for not wanting them. It is okay if you have no real reason for not wanting kids because starting a family is a very individualized choice that no one should be pressured into. As a disabled person, I love playing with my nieces, but I don’t have any desire to have my own children because my physical disability would make it too difficult. You are not a horrible person for not wanting kids, and we need to stop looking down on women who choose not to have them, because you never know what someone is going through. You should never ask someone when they are planning to have kids because some people may not be planning to have them, and it can be awkward to tell someone that. What do you think someone may choose to not to have kids? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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