What Not To Say To A Disabled Person

Disabled people are always hearing comments from non-disabled people that are either rude or ableist and it is not surprising that some disabled people struggle with accepting their disability. As a disabled person, I have heard my fair share of rude, ableist comments, and although I think sometimes people intentionally say rude things, I don’t think people always have bad intentions. People sometimes say things with good intentions and may not realize that their comment was ableist and harmful to the disabled community because no one is telling them. Non-disabled people see the world in a different way and often will say to disabled people without realizing the harm because to them, they don’t see anything wrong with it, but to disabled people, it’s quite insulting. What shouldn’t you say to disabled people? In this post, I am going to talk about a few things that people sometimes say to disabled people that you should stop saying.

If I had your disability I couldn’t carry on living– As a disabled person, I have never personally had someone tell me that if they had my disability, they could not carry on living, but it happens to so many disabled people. If I were to have someone say that to me, you best believe I wouldn’t stay silent about it because that is not okay. It is okay if you don’t understand my disability, but to say you couldn’t carry on living if you had it is unnecessary and implies that disabled people can’t live well. I may struggle with more things than a non-disabled person, but you can still be happy with a disability and live well. Please never tell anyone that if I had your disability, I couldn’t carry on living, because you never know who is struggling with depression, and unless you have my disability, you don’t know how hard it is to be disabled without experiencing it. Yes, you could carry on living if you had my disability because a lot of people do, and being disabled is not the worst thing ever.

If I had your disability, I’d never do xyz- It is always funny to me when non-disabled people say, ” If I had your disability, I would never get a stoma” because unless you have my disability, you don’t know what lengths you would go to manage it. Some people with my disability do not have a stoma and will manage bladder and bowel problems differently, and that is okay, but if you aren’t disabled, you shouldn’t be commenting on how I manage my disability. If you had my disability, you may not do the same things as I do, because not everyone does, but how do you know what you would do if you had my disability if you don’t have my disability? You don’t have to agree with every health choice I make, but if you aren’t disabled, you shouldn’t be making negative comments on how I manage my disability. Non-disabled people will never know what they would do to manage a disability until they become disabled.

You are so inspiring- If I had a dollar for every time someone called me inspiring, I would be filthy rich because disabled people are always seen as inspirations. Some disabled people are inspiring, and it is okay to call someone inspiring if they have done something inspirational, but you shouldn’t tell every single disabled person that they are inspiring for existing as a disabled person. Disabled people go to parties and get so drunk that they can barely stand and are not always inspiring. I may do things a little bit differently than non-disabled people, but I am not an inspiration because I got out of bed today and I am doing what has to be done. If you wouldn’t call a non-disabled person inspiring for going to the grocery store, then don’t say it to disabled people because we are not inspiring for doing basic everyday tasks that everyone needs to do. Disabled people should not be considered inspirations because we have a disability, and you have to do something great to be inspiring.

What is wrong with you?- When non-disabled people are curious about my disability, sometimes people will approach me in the rudest way and ask, “What is wrong with you?” There is nothing wrong with me, and I have a disability and you should never approach a disabled person in such an insulting way. You are not entitled to know anything about my disability, and if I were going to give you any information about my disability, I am not now because you asked me in the rudest way possible. Disabled people do not have to tell complete strangers anything about their disability, but if you want to ask me questions, try being a little more polite and maybe try saying something like “If you don’t mind me asking, ‘What disability do you have?” Disabled people still may not tell you what disability they have even you are polite because you are not entitled to a disabled person’s medical history, but I am more inclined to talk about my disability when you aren’t rude and don’t act like you are entitled to it.

Let race- Non-disabled people often will go up to wheelchair users and say “Let’s race, or do you have a license for that thing?” Non-disabled people often think they are being funny and cracking a hilarious joke. There is nothing technically wrong with saying let’s race but most disabled people will roll their eyes and think to themselves “I haven’t heard that one before ” because it’s cheesy and everyone says it. There is nothing wrong with saying let’s race and I usually will smile to be polite, but it is such an overused comment, and I wish people would say anything else.

Hooow are youuu?– When you are disabled a lot of the time people talk to you like a child and very slowly because they think you can’t understand them. Some disabled people who have more intellectual disabilities may struggle with comprehending a sentence, and you might need to talk slower, but a vast majority of disabled people have average intelligence and can have a conversation just as well as a non-disabled person can. If a disabled person is having a hard time comprehending what you are saying, they will tell you, but if we don’t say anything, we can likely understand you just fine. Please talk to disabled people like you would any other person, because you don’t need to talk to us like we are children, unless we are one, and many disabled people find that annoying.

How do you go to the bathroom?- It is always shocking to me when people ask me personal questions such as “How do you go to the bathroom?” Some disabled people go to the bathroom in a different way because sometimes their bladder and bowel function don’t work properly, but a lot of disabled people go to the bathroom in the same way as non-disabled people. You should never ask disabled people how they go to the bathroom because it’s none of your business, and the only people that need to know that are my caregiver or my doctor.

Disabled people need more support than non-disabled people because we face hard challenges that come easily to non-disabled people, but you can talk to me in the same way as a non-disabled person, and as a matter of fact, I want you to. Disabled people don’t always want to talk about their disability, and sometimes we want to talk about literally anything else. If you have questions about my disability, I would much rather you ask questions than assume you know, because a lot of the time, people get it wrong. There are so many things that non-disabled people say that are rude or ableist that I couldn’t list them all, and the bottom line is, before you ask a disabled person a question, ask yourself, “Would I ask a non-disabled person that question?” If you would not be okay with disabled people asking you about your sex life, then don’t ask disabled people because we probably feel the same way. What would you never say to a disabled person? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.

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