What Not To Say To A Disabled Person

Disabled people are always hearing comments from non-disabled people that are either rude or ableist and it is not surprising that some disabled people struggle with accepting their disability. As a disabled person, I have heard my fair share of rude, ableist comments, and although I think sometimes people intentionally say rude things, I don’t think people are always trying to cause harm to disabled people. People sometimes say things with good intentions and may not realize that their comment was ableist and harmful to the disabled community and contributes to disability stigma. There are a lot of things that people say to disabled people that are harmful or cheesy, and people only say them to start a conversation. Non-disabled people see the world in a different way and often will say to disabled people without realizing the harm because to them, they don’t see anything wrong with it but to disabled people, it’s quite insulting. What shouldn’t you say to disabled people? In this post, I am going to talk about a few things that people sometimes say to disabled people that you should stop saying.

If I had your disability I couldn’t carry on living– As a disabled person I have never personally had someone tell me that if they had my disability, they could not carry on living but if I were to have that experience, you best believe you would be getting an earful because that is not okay. I have heard non-disabled make these types of comments and it’s always shocking to me that anyone would think that comment is okay. If you don’t understand my disability that is okay but to say you couldn’t carry on living is unnecessary and implies that disabled people can’t live well. I may struggle with more things than a non-disabled person, but you can still be happy with a disability and live well. Please never tell anyone if I had your disability, I couldn’t carry on living because you never know who is struggling with depression and unless you have my disability you don’t know how hard it is to be disabled without experiencing it. Yes, you could carry on living because a lot of people do!

If I had your disability, I’d never do xyz- It is always funny to me when people say if I had your disability, I would never get a stoma because unless you have my disability you don’t know what you would do to manage it. Some people with my disability do not have a stoma and will manage bladder and bowel problems in a different way and that is okay but if you aren’t disabled it’s not helpful to tell someone that you would never do the same things as them. If you had my disability, you may not do the same things as me and that is okay but how do you know what you would do if you had my disability if you don’t have my disability? If you don’t have constant bladder and bowel problems, you don’t know the lengths you would go to make it easier. You don’t have to agree with every health choice I make but unless you have my disability and can understand why I do certain things you can’t honestly say you would never do it and should keep your opinions to yourself.

You are so inspiring- If I had a dollar for every time someone called me inspiring, I would be filthy rich because disabled people are always seen as inspirations. Some disabled people are inspiring, and it is okay to call someone inspiring if they have done something inspirational, but you shouldn’t tell every single disabled person that they are inspiring for existing as a disabled person. Disabled people go to parties and get so drunk that they can barely stand and are not always inspiring. I may do things a little bit differently than non-disabled people, but I am not an inspiration because I got out of bed today and I am doing what has to be done. If you wouldn’t call a non-disabled person inspiring for going to the grocery store, then don’t say it to disabled people because we are not inspiring for doing basic everyday tasks that everyone needs to do. Disabled people should not be considered inspirations because we have a disability, and you have to do something great to be inspiring.

What is wrong with you?- When non-disabled people are curious about what disability I have sometimes people will ask me in the most insulting way and will say “What is wrong with you?” There is nothing wrong with me and I have a disability and you should never approach a disabled person in such an insulting way. You are not entitled to know anything about my disability and if I was going to give you any information about my disability I am not now because you asked me in the rudest way possible. Disabled people do not have to tell complete strangers anything about their disability but if you want to ask me questions try being a little more polite and maybe try saying something like “If you don’t mind me asking “What disability do you have?” Disabled people still may not tell you what disability they have because you are not entitled to a disabled person’s medical history, but I am more inclined to talk about my disability when you aren’t rude and don’t act like you are entitled to it.

Let race- Non-disabled people often will go up to wheelchair users and say “let’s race or do you have a license for that thing” because they think they are being funny. There is nothing technically wrong with saying let’s race but most disabled people will roll their eyes and think to themselves “I haven’t heard that one before ” because everyone and their mother says it. There is nothing wrong with saying let’s race and I usually will smile to be polite, but it is such an overused comment and I wish people would say anything else.

Hooow are youuu?– When you are disabled a lot of the time people talk to you like a child and very slow because they think you can’t understand them. Some disabled people who have more intellectual disabilities may struggle with comprehending a sentence and you might need to talk slower, but a vast majority of disabled people have average intelligence and can have a conversation just as well as a non-disabled person can. If a disabled person is having a hard time comprehending what you are saying they will tell you but if we don’t say anything it is likely we can understand just fine. Please talk to disabled people like you would any other person because you don’t need to talk to us like we are children unless we are one and many disabled people find that annoying.

How do you go to the bathroom?- It is always shocking to me when people ask me personal questions such as “How do you go to the bathroom?” Some disabled people go to the bathroom in a different way because sometimes your bladder and bowel function doesn’t work properly but a lot of disabled people go to the bathroom in the same way as non-disabled people. You should never ask disabled people how they go to the bathroom because it’s none of your business and the only people that need to know are my caregiver or my doctor.

Disabled people need more support than non-disabled people because we face hard challenges that come easily to non-disabled people, but you don’t have to talk to a disabled person in a different way, and you can talk to us in the same way you would a non-disabled person. My disability makes me different, but you don’t have to treat me in a different way or tell me how I can cure myself, and I would much rather you talk to me like you would to any other person, because disabled people don’t always want to talk about their disability. If you have questions about my disability, I would much rather you ask me than assume you know, because a lot of the time, people get it wrong. There are so many things that non-disabled people say that are rude or ableist that I couldn’t list them all, and the bottom line is, before you ask a disabled person a question, ask yourself, “Would I be okay with someone asking me that?” If you would not be okay with disabled people asking you about your sex life, then don’t ask disabled people because we probably feel the same way. What would you never say to a disabled person? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.

---

Subscribe And Never Miss A Post