Disabled people are always hearing rude ableist comments from non-disabled people because people without disabilities often don’t know how to talk to a disabled person. There are times when a non-disabled person knowingly says something rude, but I refuse to believe that it is always intentional, and sometimes I think people mean well and don’t realize the harm in their comment. Disabled people need more support than non-disabled people, and most of the time, people are supportive, but sometimes you are not being as supportive as you think you are, and we could be doing more to support disabled. You can’t change my disability and take the challenges away, but the things you say to disabled people matter because ableism negatively affects disabled people. The media plays a major role in disabled people feeling alone because it often portrays disabled people as sad and depressed, and non-disabled people tend to treat us differently when we promote these kinds of messages. In this post, I am going to talk about a few things that I wish people would say to disabled people more often.
I believe you– When you live with an invisible disability that is difficult to see often people will accuse you of not having real pain and being a faker. There are some people who fake a disability to get a free parking spot, but a vast majority of disabled people do not fake a disability and that is something that a lot of people believe that is simply not true. You have no idea how much pain someone is experiencing by looking at them because a lot of people are good at hiding pain and it’s unfair to accuse someone of being a faker when you don’t know the facts. I would love to hear more people telling disabled people that they believe them because sometimes disabled people feel they don’t experience enough pain to call themselves disabled but if people were to start validating pain disabled people wouldn’t feel like they are fraud and would proudly call themselves disabled. We need to stop shaming disabled people by telling them that what they are experiencing is not real because disabled people want approval from their friends and it’s unfair to accuse someone of being a faker when you aren’t in their body. Listen to disabled people because you don’t know someone’s disability better than they do and a lot of the time ableist comments made my non-disabled people is the reason disabled people struggle with accepting their disability.
It’s okay if you are feeling negative– When you are struggling, often people think it’s helpful to tell someone to be more positive because toxic positivity is everywhere and is normalized. I always encourage positivity, but I don’t know a single person who is going to be positive all of the time because horrible things happen in life that you are not going to feel positive about and that is okay. When you see someone struggling the last thing you want to say is to be positive because that is toxic positivity and harmful. People don’t want positivity shoved down their throat but what they want is people validating their feeling whether they are positive or negative. You are not always going to be positive and that is okay because there is nothing wrong with having negative feeling sometimes and we shouldn’t expect people to always be positive. I would love to hear more people validating negative feelings instead of trying to shut down them down and pretend they don’t exist. Positivity is great but when it’s forced it’s not genuine positivity and people are just going to roll their eyes at you.
Is there anything I can do to support you?- Non-disabled people sometimes think they understand their loved one’s disability and think that they are being supportive when they say they understand what we are going through. If you don’t have my disability, you will never fully understand because there some things I can’t explain that you have to experience to understand. Disabled people don’t need non-disabled people telling us that they understand what we are going through because we know that is not true, but you don’t have to relate to my disability to be supportive. You don’t have to swear that you understand my disability to be a good friend because I am just going to roll my eyes at you, but you can ask if there is anything you can do to help make my life easier. Non-disabled people sometimes think that they need to relate to our disabilities to support us but a lot of time I just need someone to do tasks for me that do not come easily.
It’s okay to use assistive devices- Assistive devices get a bad rap and often people think it’s a sign of weakness and make disabled people feel shame for using them. I need to use crutches and a wheelchair to move, and would not be able to leave my home without my assistive devices because I can’t change my disability. Assistive devices are not bad, but they’re necessary for some people, and we need to stop shaming disabled people for using them because disability is not a choice, and you are only hurting yourself by refusing to use assistive devices that would make your life easier. We need to start encouraging disabled people use assistive devices if they would benefit from them instead of telling people to throw them in the trash because you can make a lot of medical conditions worse by refusing a wheelchair. If you want to be supportive of my disability, you have to be able to accept my assistive devices because you are not truly being supportive if you aren’t encouraging me to do whatever it takes to make my life easier.
It’s okay if you need medication- Some disabled people need medication to function but when you are disabled sometimes people will see you taking meds and tell you to stop. Medication keeps some disabled people out of the hospital, and despite what some people believe not taking your meds will not cure you, but it could make a lot of people very sick. If I stopped taking preventative for migraine, I would not be able to leave my home and if I stopped taking my bladder medication, I would put myself in the hospital because I would get bladder stones. Medication is the solution for managing a lot of medical conditions and it can be so harmful to tell someone to stop taking their medication if you are not their doctor. I would love it if people would start saying it’s okay if you need medication to function instead of shaming us and making us think that we would cure ourselves by not taking life-saving medication. Medication improves quality of life in some people, and we should be encouraging people to do whatever it takes to feel better even if that means taking ten medications.
Non-disabled people make more of an impact on a disabled person’s self-confidence than they realize because disabled people want their loved one’s approval. It is hard to be disabled in a world designed for non-disabled people because you are facing constant barriers, and it only makes it harder when non-disabled people question our pain and tell you that you need a medication that you do. There are a lot of things non-disabled people should never say to a disabled person and there is no shortage of ableist comments, but we could use a little more kind and supportive comments that make hard days a little easier. You don’t have to understand my disability, and I don’t expect you to, but you shouldn’t tell disabled people that their migraine pain is not real because you can’t see it. Disabled people want to be believed but a lot of the time people don’t believe us and think we can cure ourselves by eating a little healthier and doing more exercise, but it doesn’t work that way. Disabled people sometimes need to hear that what we are doing is enough because sometimes we don’t feel like we are. What do you think we should be saying to disabled people more often? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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