Disability acceptance is difficult because disability is not accepted by society and is often seen as something bad that needs to be cured. Stoma acceptance can be even more difficult because most people don’t see the good in a stoma and are horrified when you tell them you have a hole on your body that gives you independence and helps you go to the bathroom more easily. A stoma is not something that all disabled people are going to want or need, but some people do need it because it improves, and in some cases, it saves lives. It is hard to accept a stoma when people around you are constantly telling you that a stoma is not normal and to get rid of it. Body confidence is more difficult when you have a stoma because it’s not pretty, but it will be so much easier to be happy in your own skin when you can make peace with it. How can you accept a stoma when it’s not acceptable by society? In this post, I am going to talk about what I did to accept my stoma.
Change the way you think of your stoma- Non-disabled people often view stoma’s as something ugly that we should get rid of because they completely miss the point of why some disabled people have them. I would agree that a stoma is not the prettiest thing you will ever see, but you don’t get a stoma to make a fashion statement, and you get one to make your life easier. If you see your stoma as something ugly that you need to have, you are never going to make peace with it because you are looking at your stoma in such a negative way. I think that the only way you will ever get to a place of acceptance is if you have a complete mindset shift and start looking at your stoma as something that gives independence instead of an ugly hole that you have on your body. It is easy to get consumed with the looks of your stoma, but in order to gain confidence in your stoma, you have to be able to move past the physical appearance of it and see the positives your stoma gives you. A stoma can positively impact your life, and you have to stop seeing it as something bad.
Connect with people who have one– Doctors will give you the tools you need to live well with a stoma but most doctors just create them but don’t have one themselves. If you are struggling to accept your stoma, I can’t stress enough how important it is to connect with other people who have your stoma because disabled people can make you feel seen in ways a non-disabled person can’t. Community is so powerful when it comes to stoma acceptance because when you have a stoma, often you feel invisible, and talking to another person who truly gets it can make your struggles feel validated. People without disabilities sometimes dismiss a disabled person’s struggles and make us feel bad for needing help, which is why it’s so important to connect with people who understand, because saying you understand and actually getting it are not the same thing.
Name your stoma– Disabled people sometimes name their assistive devices like non-disabled people name their cars because it helps them cope with their disability. I have had a stoma since I was a child and have never had to name them, but I have named assistive devices because there was a time I struggled with disability acceptance. There are no rules against naming your stoma because it’s not just for assistive devices, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to name your stoma if that is what it takes to get to a place of acceptance.
Don’t hang around people who don’t approve of your stoma- I have made peace with my stoma and can hang around people who think I should get rid of it because I can easily ignore their comments. If you aren’t in a place where you have accepted your stoma, it might be a good idea to surround yourself with people who don’t judge and limit your time with people who think you should get rid of it. If you have family members who don’t approve of your stoma, it can be difficult to completely cut them out of your life, and I don’t think you should, but if you want to get to a place of acceptance, it’s so important that you set boundaries for yourself and limit your time with toxic people. I have no idea what my friends and family think of my stoma, but I am fortunate that no one has ever said anything negative about it, because if they had, I would limit my time with that person. Limiting your time with toxic people is not selfish but is a form of self-care because sometimes we need to do that to be happy in our disabled bodies. People don’t have to approve of your medical decisions because it’s not their body.
Don’t tell people you have one- I am very open about my stoma and don’t get uncomfortable telling people I have one. Some disabled people are not comfortable talking about their stoma with others, and that is okay because unless you are my doctor or caregiver, how I go to the bathroom is none of your business. You don’t have to tell people that you have a stoma if you don’t want to, and I would recommend that you don’t if you haven’t accepted it. A stoma is often invisible, and people aren’t going to say negative things about it if they don’t know you have one.
Stoma acceptance is hard because it is easy to get consumed with the looks of your stoma and hate your body. It takes time to accept a stoma, and it is okay if you are not in a place of acceptance because acceptance is not a destination and is something we are always working toward. When you have a stoma, you are going to have more poor body image days than someone without one, and that is okay because body confidence does not mean you love yourself all the time. As long as you can get yourself out of those negative body image thoughts, you are doing something right and should be proud of yourself. Don’t listen to people who tell you to get rid of your stoma because stoma’s improve lives, and getting rid of it does not cure your disability. There are a lot of ways you can learn to accept your stoma, and not everything is going to do the same things because it depends on what type of stoma you have. People will have different opinions on stoma’s but only you know if it’s right for you because you don’t have to please others. How did you accept your stoma? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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