When you have a physical disability, simple tasks that come easily to most people can be more challenging when you don’t have as much stability as everyone else. It is frustrating to have a visible physical disability because when people see your disability a lot of the time it is assumed you are incapable and need help with everything which is so far from true. Most people want to help make the lives of their friends with physical disabilities easier and may think they are but sometimes you aren’t being as helpful as you think you are. As a disabled person with a physical disability, I appreciate it when people help me do tasks that I struggle to do myself, but it is frustrating when people see my disability and do tasks for me that I am able to do myself. Friends and family mean well and want to help their disabled friends, but a lot of the time people don’t know how and do too much for us which takes away the little independence I do have. In this post, I am going to share a few things that people with physical disabilities wish their friends and family understood.
Even though I am struggling that doesn’t mean I need help- As a disabled person with a physical disability, I struggle with almost everything I do because I don’t have as much stability as a non-disabled person and some tasks are more difficult than others. When people see me struggling to get a drink of water sometimes people who do not know my abilities very well assume that I can’t do the task and try to do it for. There is struggle with almost every task I do but even though you see me struggling that doesn’t mean I can’t do the task and need your assistance. I appreciate it when people do tasks for me that would be dangerous for me to attempt myself, but I can’t stand it when people don’t let me do tasks that my disability doesn’t prevent me from doing. People often think they are being helpful when they go ahead and do a task for me but you are being the opposite of helpful when you force help and are taking away the little independence I do have. I struggle with the simplest tasks, but I want people to let me try to do things even though it is sometimes hard because I will never learn to do tasks independently if people are always doing things for me. I will always need more help than most people but you should always ask if I need help before doing a task for me because you may learn that I don’t always want your help.
Taking something from me is more difficult- Simple tasks such as carrying a cup of water, can be very difficult for me because I have to briefly let go of my crutches to be able to do that task. When people offer to carry a cup of water for me, I appreciate that, but if you want to be helpful, you need to offer your assistance before I start doing the task myself, because after I start doing it’s easier to let me do it myself. I hate it when people see me carrying a cup of water and try to take it from me because they think they are being helpful, but you are actually making my life harder when you take things that I am holding from me. It can be very hard for me to hand people things because I have to briefly let go of my crutches and balance, which increases the likelihood of a fall. It gives me even more anxiety when I am holding a liquid because things can spill while doing that transfer and cause me to fall. I wish people would ask me if I want assistance before I start doing a difficult task, because once I am doing it, it’s too late, and you might as well let me do it myself. People often think that taking things out of my hand is more helpful, but it can be less helpful.
I can probably do more than you think- There are some tasks that my disability prevents me from doing well, but I probably can do more than people give me credit for, because I can do tasks that people think I can’t. When you have a physical disability, sometimes it’s easier to hire people to do things for you, but it can be expensive to do that, and not always necessary because you don’t give up when something is hard and find another way to complete that task. People with physical disabilities always find ways to do difficult tasks, and a lot of the time, it is assumed we can’t do a task because people without disabilities do not know how to modify that task or aren’t familiar with all the accessible appliances that exist. People with physical disabilities aren’t always completely dependent on other people, and a lot of the time, we can do more tasks than people think.
Holding on to me increases the risk of fall- When people see me do things I sometimes unintentionally make people nervous because I am unstable and often it looks like I am going to fall but I am not. People sometimes will walk really close to me or try to hold on to me because they think they are helping when in reality you are doing quite the opposite. As a disabled person I need space to be able to do things and you are not helping by holding out your hand to help me walk but are actually doing the opposite and increasing my fall risk. I need space to do things and the best way to help me prevent a fall is to not walk two inches behind me and give me enough space because inaccessibility is what causes falls.
Life is hard with a physical disability because we live in an inaccessible world, but disabled people are capable of more things than non-disabled people give up credit for. Some disabled with physical disabilities are completely dependent on others but most people with physical disabilities are capable of doing tasks people think we shouldn’t be doing. I sometimes have to do tasks in a slightly different way than non-disabled people but having a physical disability does not mean I am less capable, and it only means that sometimes I require a little more assistance but that is okay. We all need a little help sometimes and that is okay, but you should never assume a disabled person can’t do anything because our disabilities only limit some tasks not all of them. There are times I want to do things for myself, and you should let me even though it’s hard because there is nothing more satisfying than the feeling of success after I have learned how to do a difficult task. What do you wish non-disabled people understood about physical disabilities? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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