Happy Valentine’s Day! Valentine’s Day can sometimes be hard for disabled people who are single and have been wanting to get into a relationship because everyone is talking about the love they have for their partner, and you wish you had one. As a single disabled person, I have always wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship, and for a long time I struggled with the idea that I will probably never be in a relationship because of my disability and that was upsetting to me until I realized that it is totally okay to be single and you don’t need to be chasing marriage. It is kind of nice to be single on Valentine’s Day because there is no pressure to celebrate the holiday, and you can treat it like any other day. I sympathize with disabled people who have been longing for a partner, but I refuse to let myself get depressed and not enjoy the day because Valentine’s Day is not just for people in a relationship and everyone who has people in their life, they love should celebrate it. In this post, I am going to talk about a few things you need to remember on Valentine’s Day if you are struggling to today because you don’t have a partner.
Single does not mean unlovable- If you are a single disabled person who has tried to get into a relationship but has not been successful at finding a partner it is easy to bring yourself down and convince yourself that you are unlovable. I sympathize with disabled people who have struggled to get into a relationship because it’s hard to get someone to see past your disability, but not being in a relationship does not mean you are unlovable or unattractive. The reason it is harder for disabled people to find a partner is that people struggle to see past your disability and are ableist. You are not the problem, and if you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at the media for poorly representing the disabled community and portraying us as helpless human beings who are desperate for cures. Ableism is the problem, and it has nothing to do with you as an individual, but rather the way people see disabled people, and the only way it will become easier to find a partner is if we end ableism. It is nice to have a partner, but you don’t have to be in a relationship to be loved because you probably have lots of friends and family who love you.
Your relationship status does not define your self-worth- If you have been struggling to get into a relationship and have struggled to do so because of a disability it is easy to bring yourself down and convince yourself that you aren’t good enough. It is nice to be spoiled by a partner on Valentine’s Day, but your self-worth is not defined by your relationship status because being in a relationship does not make you a better person. You are not less than people in a relationship and if anyone looks down on you because you are single that is their problem that they need to work through. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself because the way you view yourself and treat others is what is going to give you self-worth not who you are dating. You shouldn’t have to prove your self-worth to your married friends, because your self-worth is within you, and if you have to prove to your married friends that you are worth it, I would reconsider your friend circle.
You don’t need a partner to celebrate Valentine’s Day- Most people who go all out on Valentine’s Day are in relationships but if you are single that doesn’t mean you can go out to dinner and have a nice time with friends. It is nice to have company when you go out to dinner but there is no rule that says the only people who are allowed to go out on Valentine’s Day have to be in a relationship. I have never had any desire to go out to dinner on Valentine’s because everyone is doing it, but I am not totally against it for single people because you don’t need a partner to treat yourself. Valentine’s Day should be about celebrating your love for everyone in your life not just the people you are dating or married to.
There is nothing wrong with being single- I kind of love being single on Valentine’s because I don’t have to worry about my partner trying to be nice and giving me more chocolate than I know what to do with that I will probably be triggered by and there is no pressure to do literally anything. People often see being single as bad and rush to get into a relationship, but I don’t necessarily think so and on the plus side you don’t have to share the chocolate you buy for yourself. There is nothing wrong with being single and I don’t think I will ever be the person to rush to get into a relationship and if it happens great but if it doesn’t, I am going to embrace the single life. As a disabled person, I am not completely against being in a relationship but don’t have a strong desire to because I don’t want children and fear being taken advantage of by my partner.
If you are in a relationship, it can be fun to get your partner some flowers or chocolate, but if you don’t have a partner, that is okay too, because Valentine’s Day is for everyone. Single people can still celebrate Valentine’s Day, and if you want to go to the store and buy yourself some chocolate, there is no rule that says you can’t do that. If I were able to drive, I probably would go to the store and buy myself a treat because not only will my favorite chocolate be on sale, but you deserve it. As a disabled person, I try not to get depressed on Valentine’s Day and remind myself that being single is not entirely in my control because I can’t change my disability or force people to see past my disability. I hold so much space for disabled people who struggle on Valentine’s Day because it shouldn’t be so hard to get into a relationship, but it is because of ableism. I hope everyone has a nice Valentine’s Day, whether you are disabled or single, and if you are struggling, know that you are not alone. What are you doing on Valentine’s Day? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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