If there is one group of people that we should always feel comfortable saying anything to and not be judged for it, I would hope it’s within our own family. Families are supposed to be supportive of one another, and a lot of time they are, but sometimes our loved ones are being as supportive as they think they are. People sometimes will say little remarks to family members and mean well that can be perceived as rude or make them feel shame. People shouldn’t feel like they can’t tell their loved ones about their food struggles, but sometimes we do hold back because we don’t think our families will validate our struggles. Family members sometimes say things to other members with good intentions that they wholeheartedly believe are helpful but can be quite harmful. We should always be trying to lift people up, especially within your own family, because if we can’t trust our own flesh and blood, I don’t know who you can count on. In this post, I am sharing six things people need to stop doing to support their loved ones
Body shaming other family members– I think everyone has had a family member who has made some kind of body remarks, whether that was praising weight loss or criticizing weight gain, because diet culture is everywhere. People sometimes think that they are helping their loved ones when they tell them to lose weight, but body-shaming is never helpful. You should never comment on anyone’s body, but you should especially not do it to people in your own family because you never know what someone’s relationship with food is. We think we know people in our family well, but you may not know them as well as you think you do because not everyone is going to be open about their body image issues. Some people are not happy with their bodies and your weight loss remarks can be triggering and cause someone to restrict calories. I struggled with poor body image for almost a decade and used to be bothered when family members made body remarks. It wasn’t until I realized that everyone is impacted by diet culture and even though someone doesn’t think my body is good enough, that doesn’t make what they are saying true. You can’t stop people from body-shaming, and it’s important to remember that when someone makes a negative body remarks it’s usually a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
Telling disabled people that what they are experiencing isn’t real– I am fortunate that my family is supportive of my disability and has never told me that they don’t believe Spina Bifida is real. Some challenges of Spina Bifida are not easy to see, but I do have a visible disability, and it’s a little easier for my family to see my struggles. and don’t usually have issues with people calling me a faker. I have been blessed with tons of support, but not all disabled people have that same experience, and sometimes have family members who refuse to accept their disability. If you want to support your disabled loved ones, you have to stop telling people that what they are experiencing is not real because it’s hurtful when strangers say it, but it’s even more hurtful when family members don’t believe you. Sadly, disabled people not having supportive family members is very common because disabled people aren’t the only ones who struggle with acceptance. Many disabled people get online and build communities because they don’t have supportive family members, which is sad and shouldn’t be that way. The best thing you can do for your disabled loved ones is educate yourself and learn about their disability, because if there is one place that we shouldn’t feel like we have to prove our disabilities, it’s within our own family. You don’t have to understand what a disabled person is going through, but if you think someone’s disability is something they can snap out of, you lack knowledge.
Pointing out everything someone is doing wrong- There is nothing wrong with a little constructive criticism because we all have something that we could improve on. People often are very quick to make people extra aware of all the things they could be doing better, but never tell them what they are doing right. It is okay to sometimes give someone constructive criticism because that is how we grow, but it’s equally as important to give praise. Don’t forget to give your loved ones praise because when you get in the habit of only pointing out their failures, it makes them feel like garbage, and people may think they can’t do anything right.
Telling people that therapy is weakness– Some people keep their mental health struggles to themselves and never get therapy because they have loved ones who don’t believe in therapy and think it’s a sign of weakness. You should never make fun of mental illnesses or make remarks such as “therapy is a sign of weakness” because it can make people feel shame if they are struggling and prevent them from getting help. People want to do things that their families are going to be supportive of and will not get help if they think it’s going to impact the relationships they have with loved ones. Family members should encourage therapy, and you don’t need to have a diagnosed mental illness to benefit from it because therapists can help you through hard times, and we all could use a person to talk to who won’t judge.
Using disability terminology that you makes you more comfortable– Loved ones do not have to use terms when referring to a disability that is politically correct because not all disabled people will be bothered by the same type of language. If you know what terms your disabled loved one prefers to be identified as you should do your best to remember to use that type of language. I have many family members who refer to me as special because it is such a normalized term but I cringe every time and wish people who start using the word disabled. Family members should make an extra effort to use terms that the disabled person prefers rather than using language that makes them more comfortable.
Using the word retarded- Disabled people always prefer the same type of language, but most of us can agree on the harm of using the word retarded. If you want to support your disabled loved ones, this word should not be in your vocabulary because it makes fun of people with severe intellectual disabilities and implies you are as stupid as them. I have heard a couple of my close friends and family use the word retarded that probably didn’t think anything of it and weren’t trying to insult disabled people, and it’s just a force of habit, but you are insulting disabled people and contributing to stigma every time you use it. Get this word out of your vocabulary and find some other way to express your frustration!
Family members want to support their loved ones, but you aren’t being very supportive of your loved ones when you body shame them or tell them that therapy is a sign of weakness. People often care more about what people in their family think of them than total strangers, and it is so important we build each other up rather than tear them down. You shouldn’t feel like you have to suck it in around your family to get their approval but sometimes people feel that way because of little remarks that seem harmless that people make about their bodies. Be mindful of the types of things you say to family members because words can hurt even if you mean well and have no intention of being mean. People aren’t always negatively impacted the first time you make a remark, but if you say it enough, they may start to lose confidence. How do you think we can be more supportive of the people we love? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
Subscribe And Never Miss A Post
My Rockin Disabled Life 