Disabled people often do not have a lot of non-disabled friends because non-disabled people sometimes isolate disabled people and want nothing to do with us. Non-disabled people can have great supportive disabled friends, but sometimes people don’t know how to talk to us and think they have to treat disabled people in a completely different way. I may move and think differently than non-disabled people, and sometimes we may have to change the activity to make it accessible for me, but my disability does not affect my ability to be a good friend. Disabled people can make great friends, but sometimes we are not given a chance because non-disabled people think we are helpless and believe disability stigma that is not true. Disabled people should be able to make friends as easily as a non-disabled person, but we are not, and it is a lot harder for disabled people to make friends because we are often isolated. Non-disabled people often will look the other way when they see someone’s disability instead of trying to get to know that person. How can you be a good friend to a disabled person? In this post, I am going to talk about how non-disabled people can be good friends to disabled people.
Respect boundaries- My friends know what disability I have and what tasks are difficult for me to do independently, because your friends need to know that to be able to plan accessible activities. I do not tell my friends everything because I have some health issues that are private that my friends don’t need to know. I don’t give my friends details on how I go to the bathroom because those are private health issues, and the only time they might know is if they read a blog post where I talked about it or I happened to tell them. If you want to be a good friend to a disabled person, it is so important that you respect boundaries and be okay with being in the dark about some things because knowing a disabled person does not make you entitled. Disabled people can tell their friends whatever they would like about their health, but we don’t have to tell them everything because the only people that need to know our full medical history are our doctors and caregivers. Please respect boundaries and don’t ask your disabled friends questions you wouldn’t ask a non-disabled person.
Advocate for them- If you are out in public with your disabled friend and see someone saying something ableist to them, one of the best things you can do is advocate for them. There is nothing that makes me happier than when I am facing a lot of ableist comments and the person I am with says something before I have gotten the chance to. As a disabled person, I am constantly advocating for myself, but it can be exhausting, and I love it when I don’t have to. You can be a good friend to a disabled person by learning how to advocate for them because advocacy is not just for disabled people.
Don’t make them feel guilty for needing to change plans- Disabled and chronically ill people sometimes struggle to make friends because non-disabled people do not understand that our disabilities are often unpredictable. It can be hard for people in pain to make plans because I don’t know how I am going to feel three weeks from now, and sometimes I will make plans and have to cancel them due to high pain levels. My friends will never understand what I am going through, and that is okay because you don’t need to understand my disability to be a good friend. If you want to be a good friend, don’t make disabled and chronically ill people feel guilty for needing to change plans, because trust me, I am just as upset about it as you are. Change plans if you have to, and go over to someone’s house if they aren’t feeling up to it or reschedule without making them feel guilty. Disabled people in pain should not feel guilty for needing to cancel plans because things happen sometimes that are beyond our control.
Do not give them unsolicited health advice– In the past, I have had non-disabled friends who didn’t end up working out because all they wanted to do was give me unsolicited health advice and tell me how I can cure my disability. Please do not give your disabled friends health advice unless they ask you for your advice, because there is nothing disabled people hate more than when non-disabled people who know nothing about our disabilities give us unsolicited health advice. There are so many things that you talk about with your disabled friends, and cures don’t have to be one of them. I never talk about cures with my friends because telling disabled people that they need to be fixed doesn’t make you feel great. Disabled people do not need nor do they want your health advice because it’s probably something we have heard a million times.
Treat them like your non-disabled friends- Disabled people want to be treated normally, but a lot of the time, we are not because people think they have to treat disabled people in a completely different way. If you want to be a supportive friend, I can’t stress enough how important it is to treat your disabled friends like you would your non-disabled friends. It is important to accommodate my disability when planning activities, but I want you to treat me like you would if my disability did not exist. You can’t have a special bond with your disabled friends if you are giving them special treatment and treating them like a charity case. Disabled people want to be treated like everyone else, but often we aren’t because people don’t know how to act around disabled people.
Listen to them– Disabled people sometimes will go through hard health challenges that a non-disabled person will never understand. It can sometimes be very frustrating, and we may rant to our friends because it helps us cope. One of the best things you can do when your disabled friend is going through a hard time is to listen to them. You don’t need to provide any kind of advice, and sometimes people just need someone to listen and validate their feelings.
Disabled people can make good friends because my disability does not affect my ability to be there for my friends. Disability can sometimes negatively affect a friendship because sometimes people lack understanding and don’t care to educate themselves. Relationships can also become stronger because you face challenges that someone without a disability wouldn’t experience. I have better relationships with my friends because my disability has given me more empathy, and I am more understanding of health challenges than a non-disabled person who is healthy. You can be good friends with a disabled person, because it’s not our disabilities that make friendship fall apart, and it’s people being ableist that makes relationships become distant. Be there for your friends and educate yourself on someone’s disability instead of making assumptions. How do you think non-disabled people can be good friends to disabled people? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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