Mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression are common amongst disabled and chronically ill people because it’s hard to live in a world that pities disabled people who think you need to be fixed. Everyone gets a little anxious sometimes, but not everyone has an anxiety disorder that has a significant impact on your life. It can be hard to get support when you struggle with anxiety because a lot of people don’t understand why disabled people get anxious and think that it’s something you can cure by meditating more. As a disabled person, I have struggled with anxiety most of my life because of my disability, and there was a time it was so severe that it prevented me from trying new things and leaving my home, which is not normal. People often want to support their loved ones with anxiety, but sometimes aren’t as supportive as they think and say things with good intentions that can be perceived as insensitive. People with anxiety disorders can have worse anxiety when loved ones repeatedly say things that make them feel like they have the ability to cure themselves. What shouldn’t you say to someone struggling with anxiety? In this post, I am sharing what not to say to your loved ones with anxiety disorders.
Everyone gets a little anxious sometimes- It is true that everyone has been in situations where they had to try something new and were a little anxious. If you have an anxiety disorder, it’s more than feeling a little anxious, and it has a significant impact on your life. People with anxiety disorders sometimes will start sweating or get a pain in their chest and think they are having a heart attack because they can’t function and don’t know how to cope with their anxiety. Many people with severe anxiety disorders need therapy to help them learn how to navigate their anxiety, and when you say, “everyone gets a little anxious sometimes,” it’s a little insensitive and makes you feel alone. Everyone gets anxious, but not everyone is unable to function when they are anxious, like people with anxiety disorders are.
You just need to calm– I understand that most people mean well when they tell their anxious friend that they just need to calm down. Some people may need a reminder that they need to relax, but there are ways to do it that are not dismissive. I don’t know a single person who calms down by being told they need to calm down, and most people become irritated and it worsens their anxiety. Please do not tell someone going through an anxiety attack that they need to calm down, but instead reassure them that everything is going to be okay.
You are just stressed and have a drink- When you are in situations where you have to face your anxiety, it can make you a little more stressed, but drinking alcohol will not help and has got to be the worst suggestion I have ever heard. Alcohol can increase your heart rate, which can worsen anxiety, and we should not be suggesting it to someone experiencing an anxiety attack. We live in a world that likes to drink, who uses alcohol as a way to mask their pain, but if you want to see progress in your anxiety, you have to face your fears. Alcohol has a lot of negative health outcomes and only temporarily makes you forget about your problems, but it is not a real solution. Eliminating alcohol may be the solution for improving your anxiety because sometimes your drinking habit is causing you to become more anxious. You can’t drink your problems away and will still have anxiety after you have recovered from the hangover, and you need to get to the root of the problem.
I know how you feel- Non-disabled people often try to relate to what a disabled person is going through because they think they can, but unless you have an anxiety disorder, you can’t relate to it. I understand that people mean well when they say they know how we feel, but unless you have experienced what I am going through, you don’t understand, and that is okay. You are not being more supportive when you tell someone that you know how they feel because we know you don’t, and we just want to be believed. The only time you should tell someone that you know how they feel is if you also have an anxiety disorder.
What do you have to be anxious about?- When you are disabled, sometimes people think that your life is free of stress and that you have nothing to be anxious about. As a disabled person who has struggled with anxiety, I have had people ask me, “What do I have to be anxious about because people often assume that disabled people have no stress since we don’t have a job. Disabled people have a lot to be stressed about because everything in our lives is hard, and when you tell a disabled person that they have nothing to be worried about, it minimizes someone’s feelings, and they don’t feel supported. My disability causes most of my anxiety, and even though something seems small to you, that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal for someone else. Anxiety is very real and is not just in your head and saying something like that can be very harmful and dismissive.
Have you tried meditating? Meditation can help some people with mental health conditions cope with their anxiety or depression. Most people mean well when they suggest meditation and may think they are helping, but it’s not always helpful, and I promise you, I have tried whatever remedy you think I haven’t. Meditation can help some people make improvements in their mental health, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle and often doesn’t cure anxiety disorders.
Anxiety is something that people sometimes think that you can snap out of, and for most people, it’s not a real problem. People with anxiety need to be reassured that what they are feeling is not in their head because when you don’t feel supported, it worsens your anxiety. If you see someone having an anxiety attack, instead of saying it’s all in your head, try reassuring them that everything is going to be okay. When I am having an anxiety attack, I am not thinking straight and think that everything is going to crash and burn. It can be very helpful when people around reassure me that everything is going to be okay, during an attack, because sometimes I need that. People with anxiety need to feel like their feelings are being believed because when you are being supported, it’s easier to cope with it. What would you not say to someone struggling with an anxiety disorder? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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