Disabled people are not able to do things at the same capacity as non-disabled people can, and sometimes have to ask for help with things that most people can do themselves because our disabilities prevent us from being able to do some tasks well. There is nothing wrong with needing to ask for help because we all need a little help sometimes. When you have to ask for help on the most basic tasks, it sometimes makes you feel like you are bothering people. Disabled people sometimes struggle with guilt and feel guilty for things they shouldn’t because not everyone is willing to help and will roll their eyes at us when we ask for assistance carrying a cup of water. Disabled people shouldn’t feel guilty for needing help, but sometimes we do because non-disabled people act annoyed and make us feel like we are being a major inconvenience to them. What shouldn’t disabled people feel guilty about? In this post, I am going to talk about five things disabled people sometimes feel guilty about that we shouldn’t.
Needing to rest– When you have chronic pain often, you need to rest more than people with chronic pain to avoid having more pain. It sometimes can be hard to rest and most days you may have a lot of work to do and feel guilty for needing to rest. Resting is a necessity for people with chronic pain and you should never feel guilty for needing to take an extra nap because resting is not laziness but a form of self-care.
Advocating for more accessibility- Accessibility is important for disabled people and it should not be optional but often it is seen as a big expense and non-disabled people sometimes make us feel bad when we ask for more accessibility. Disabled people cannot function if something is not accessible, and you should not feel guilty when you advocate for more accessibility because there is nothing wrong with wanting to participate in activities with your non-disabled friends which you can’t always do if it’s not accessible. If someone makes you feel bad for wanting more accessibility and tries to tell you that there are not a lot of disabled people, they are the problem, not you. Never feel guilty for advocating for yourself because inaccessibility can be dangerous for disabled people, and you shouldn’t have to struggle because non-disabled people don’t think accessibility is necessary.
Having to cancel plans at the last minute- When you live with unpredictable chronic pain, it can be difficult to make plans with your friends because pain is unpredictable and even though you feel great now, you will never know how you will feel three weeks from when the event happens. I live with chronic pain, and for the most part, I am able to make plans with friends and keep them because I know that I should expect severe pain on the first or second week of every month due to a period, and to not make commitments, but I still can have unexpected pain flares. Luckily, most of the time I am home and can easily manage severe pain because I don’t go out in the community that often, but I might feel a little guilty if I have plans and have to cancel them last minute. Most people get mad when people bail without warning and think you didn’t want to go and were making excuses but believe me if I had to cancel it’s not because I didn’t want to hang out with you and was unwell. People sometimes will make you feel guilty for canceling plans and it’s important that we remind ourselves we aren’t unreliable, but our pain is.
Not being able to exercise- It is more difficult for disabled people to stay in shape than it is for non-disabled people because fitness is not accessible. I often have to modify exercises because of my physical disability but I am fortunate my disability does not prevent me from being able to exercise. Some disabled people struggle to exercise because of pain and may not be able to exercise as much as a non-disabled person can. Non-disabled people often will shame a disabled person for not exercising but you should never feel guilty for skipping your workout because no one knows your body better than you do. You should always listen to your body especially if you live with pain because sometimes it’s not safe to exercise.
Not being able to work- When you are disabled, it can be hard to find a job because disabled people face more discrimination in job interviews, and some people aren’t able to work due to pain. If you are an unemployed disabled person and need government assistance to help pay for necessary medical expenses or have to ask a family member for money, you shouldn’t feel guilty about that because a lot of the time, it’s not in your control. Disabled people often live in poverty and can’t work, and the government does not give us anywhere close to what we need to survive. and you shouldn’t feel guilty about your employment status. It’s not your fault that your disability is making it more difficult to hold a job, and people who make you feel lazy for not having a job lack understanding. It is a privilege to be able to work that not all disabled people have, and it is okay if you are one of those people who can’t work because you can’t change your disability.
Disabled people sometimes feel guilty for things that are out of our control that we shouldn’t feel guilty about because sometimes non-disabled people don’t understand and expect us to do things to the same capacity that non-disabled people do. Some people will give you the most disapproving look when you ask for help but in my experience, it’s usually people who don’t understand but you shouldn’t not ask for help because a total stranger thinks you don’t need it. Some days you will feel guilty for not being able to participate in activities because all disabled people go through that, and it’s important that we constantly remind ourselves that it’s not laziness and there are some things in life our disabilities will prevent us from being able to do, and that is okay because we find new things. Non-disabled people sometimes are the reason disabled people feel guilty because people don’t always willingly want to do things for us. You can help disabled people overcome these feelings of guilt by simply not questioning me every time I ask for assistance and just do it. What do you feel guilty about that you wish you didn’t? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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