Disabled people sometimes struggle to accept their disability because we live in a society where people think that disabled people need to be fixed. Disability acceptance isn’t just for disabled people, and sometimes families struggle to accept their loved one’s disability more than the disabled person who is affected by it. Parents of disabled children sometimes have a harder time accepting their child’s disability and have a lot of guilt. As a disabled person, I sometimes wonder why I am disabled, but I don’t blame anyone for my disability and would never want either of my parents to feel like they didn’t do enough to prevent my disability. Disability sometimes happens during pregnancy, and although some people drink or smoke while they are pregnant, which increases the likelihood of birth defects, not every parent is irresponsible. Some things happen for reasons even doctors aren’t able to explain, because you can be doing everything right and still have a disabled child. How can parents feel less guilty for their child’s disability? In this post, I am going to talk about what things parents of disabled children need to be doing to feel less guilty.
Don’t look at your child’s disability as one big negative- When you get news that your child is going to be disabled, sometimes parents completely shut down because they focus on all the challenges their child is going to face. Life is going to be harder for your disabled child because we live in an inaccessible world, but you will never feel less guilty for your child’s disability if you only focus on the challenges. Disability has a lot of challenges, but it also has a lot of joys, and I have gotten a lot of opportunities because of my disability. You don’t want to completely ignore the challenges and pretend they don’t exist because that will hurt your child but don’t only focus on the negatives of disability. My disability has negatives, but it also has positives, and it is so important that families are able to see the positives and look past the disability. I think it is so important for families to accept a disability because if you can’t accept my disability then why should I? Disabled people get a sense of how their loved ones feel about their disability and the worst thing you can do is tell someone it needs to be cured.
Talk with other parents- I am a strong believer that if you are struggling to accept your child’s disability you need to connect with another parent that has a disabled child. There are a lot of ways you can do this, and you can join a support group online or connect with someone in your community. Connecting with people who understand is important for disabled people and also families struggling with acceptance because you can’t get advice from other parents who have a child with the same disability or similar that you wouldn’t get from non-disabled parents. Talking with other parents of disabled children can be so helpful because it gives you hope and advice you would not have thought of. It can be scary for new parents expecting a disabled child because there is so much disability stigma, and you can’t trust everything you read online but you can learn from real experiences.
Do what you can to make their life easier- When a parent sees their disabled child struggling a lot of the time people feel guilty and wish their life was easier. You can’t change your child’s disability or take away every challenge, but you can get your child with a physical disability a wheelchair and do everything in your power to make their life easier. I think sometimes parents feel guilty for their child’s disability because they are struggling unnecessarily, and no one is doing anything about it. Make your home as accessible as possible because when you can see your child doing some things for themselves without help it removes some of that guilt.
Stop asking why- There is nothing wrong with wondering why your child is disabled but there comes a point when it becomes harmful. If you are a parent who is trying a little too hard to cure your child’s disability that is an acceptance problem, and you should work on that. As a disabled person, I want to be accepted by my family and why you think I am disabled does not matter to me because it’s something that happened that we can’t change. Disability is something that happened and the last thing I ever want my family to do is blame themselves for causing my disability because you did what you could.
Doctors sometimes don’t know the cause of a disability- If you don’t smoke or drink while you are pregnant you can slightly lower the risk of having a disabled child, but you cannot completely prevent all disabilities because there are too many that have no known cause. There are a lot of disabilities such as Spina Bifida that doctors don’t fully understand or know what causes it and it is so important that families remind themselves that their child’s disability is not necessarily their fault. Disability sometimes happens because it runs in your family, and you could not have prevented it. The only time your child’s disability may have been your fault is if you were doing things while you were pregnant knowing it could harm your baby.
Get them the medical help they need- Some disabled people have family members who are in denial of their child’s disability and do not believe that what they are experiencing is real. It can be so harmful to have that kind of attitude because it can make you feel even more guilty and a lot of the time it prevents people from getting their child the best medical care possible. Doctors cannot always cure a disability, but they can improve the quality of life for many people and the best thing you can do for your child is to find a specialist. You will feel more guilty as a parent when you don’t get them the medical help they need to thrive. Therapy does not make you a bad parent and you are doing your child a disservice by not doing that.
Disability acceptance is important for disabled people but it’s equally as important for families because when you can’t accept my disability it shouldn’t be surprising when I struggle to accept it. Disabled people can get a sense of how their loved ones feel about their disability because when you can’t accept my disability and are always talking about cures it shows and tells me that you think I need to be fixed. Parents and families in general need to be accepting of their child’s disability just as much as disabled people themselves because if you can’t accept my disability it reflects on the disabled person. Don’t feel guilty about your child’s disability because disabled people don’t want you to! How do you think parents can feel less guilty for their child’s disability? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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