Disabled people sometimes struggle to accept their disability because we live in a society where disability is something bad that needs to be fixed. Disability acceptance isn’t something only disabled people struggle with and sometimes families struggle to accept their loved one’s disability more than disabled people themselves. Parents of disabled children sometimes have a harder time accepting their child’s disability and have a lot of guilt. As a disabled person, I sometimes wonder why I am disabled and none of my sisters but I don’t blame anyone for my disability and would never want either of my parents to feel like they didn’t do enough to prevent my disability. You can be doing everything right and still have a disabled child because disability is not always preventable .Some things happen for reasons even doctors aren’t able to explain, and your child’s disability is not your fault. How can parents feel less guilty for their child’s disability? In this post, I am going to talk about what parents of disabled children need to be doing to feel less guilty.
Don’t look at your child’s disability as one big negative- When you get news that your child is going to be disabled, sometimes parents completely shut down because they focus on all the challenges their child is going to face. Life is going to be harder for your disabled child because we live in an inaccessible world, but you will never feel less guilty for your child’s disability if you only focus on the challenges. Disability has a lot of challenges, but it also has a lot of joys, and I have gotten a lot of opportunities because of my disability. You don’t want to completely ignore the challenges of a disability and pretend they don’t exist, because that will hurt your child, but don’t only focus on the negatives of my disability. My disability has negatives, but it also has positives, and it is so important that families are able to see the positives because there is so much good that can come from being disabled. I think it is so important for families to accept a disability because if you can’t accept my disability, then why should I? Disabled people get a sense of how their loved ones feel about their disability, and the worst thing you can do is focus on only the negatives.
Talk with other parents with disabled children- I am a strong believer that if you are struggling to accept your child’s disability, you need to connect with another parent who has a disabled child. There are a lot of ways you can do this, and you can join a support group online or connect with someone in your community. Connecting with people who understand is important for disabled people and also families struggling with acceptance, because it will help you feel less alone. You can get advice from other parents who have a child with the same disability or similar that you wouldn’t get from non-disabled parents. Talking with other parents of disabled children can be so helpful because it gives you hope and advice you would not have thought of. It can be scary for new parents expecting a disabled child because there is so much disability stigma, and you can’t trust everything you read online, but you can learn from real experiences.
Do what you can to make their life easier- It can be very difficult for parents to watch then kids struggle all the time because no one likes to see their child struggling and want to take their disability away. You can’t change your child’s disability or take away every challenge, but you can get your child with a physical disability a wheelchair and do everything in your control to make their life easier. I think sometimes parents feel guilty for their child’s disability because they living in denial and aren’t getting their child therapy and doing everything they can to make their life easier. Make your home as accessible as possible because when you can see your child doing some things for themselves without help, it removes some of that guilt.
Stop asking why- There is nothing wrong with wondering why your child is disabled, but there comes a point when it becomes harmful. If you are a parent who is trying a little too hard to cure your child’s disability, that is an acceptance problem, and you should work on that. As a disabled person, I want to be accepted by my family, and why you think I am disabled does not matter to me because it’s something that happened that we can’t change. Disability is something that can happen to anyone, and the last thing I ever want my family to do is blame themselves for causing my disability, because you did what you could to prevent it.
See your child as individual not their disability– Parents of disabled children often have a lot of guilt and sometimes will blame themselves for their child’ disability because they are too focused on the disability itself. You will always feel guilty as a parent if you can’t move past your child’s disability and seem them as an individual. My disability is something that I live with but it is not my entire identity and you will always have guilt as long as you see my disability as a restriction rather than a different way to live. Disabled people sometimes do things in a different way to accommodate our disabilities but we are people too and want the same things as non-disabled people.
Disability acceptance is important for disabled people, but it’s equally as important for families because when you can’t accept my disability, it shouldn’t be surprising when I struggle to accept it. Disabled people can get a sense of how their loved ones feel about their disability because when you can’t accept my disability and are always talking about cures, it shows and tells me that you think I need to be fixed. Parents and families in general need to be accepting of their child’s disability just as much as disabled people themselves, because if you can’t accept my disability, it reflects on the disabled person. Don’t feel guilty about your child’s disability because disabled people don’t want you to! How do you think parents can feel less guilty for their child’s disability? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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