Healthy people pray that their routine scans are going to be normal, but when you are in pain, normal scans can feel devastating. Doctors don’t investigate normal imaging, and you remain in pain, but even though your doctor can see nothing wrong, that doesn’t mean your pain is not real. I talk a lot about how chronic pain has affected my life, but I don’t talk enough about the thoughts that go through my head when I am in pain, but nothing is showing up on scans. When you are unable to get out of bed and pain temporarily paralyzes it, it can feel scary because pain not only affects you physically, but also your mental health as well. You pray that your doctor will find anything that can give you answers for your pain, and when they don’t find anything, you start to question yourself. Constant pain can affect your quality of life, and on bad days, you often have a lot of negative thoughts because our brains like to convince us that things are way worse than they are. What thoughts do you have when you live with chronic pain? In this post, I am sharing a few thoughts you have when you are in pain but aren’t getting answers.
Is my pain even real?– When I am struggling with pain, but my doctor isn’t seeing anything on scans, oftentimes I will start to gaslight myself and start to convince myself that the pain I am experiencing is my imagination and not real. I often have to remind myself that scans sometimes don’t show things we wish they would, and that even though your scans come back normal, that doesn’t mean your pain is not real. Many people with chronic pain suffer with debilitating pain every day, but often we question our pain because our doctor doesn’t understand why and may be telling us it’s just stress. Your pain is real, even if it’s not showing up on scans, and it’s so important that you don’t try to minimize your pain because pain that prevents you from getting out of bed is not normal. Pain is not your imagination and is a sign that something is going on with your body, and you shouldn’t ignore it. Don’t gaslight yourself, even if your doctors don’t believe your pain, because pain doesn’t have to be visible to be real.
I think I am dying from a fatal disease– When I first started experiencing migraine attacks, I struggled to function because the pain was so debilitating, and all I wanted to do was lie in bed all the time. It took some time to find a medication that gave me relief most of the time, and I struggled with severe pain for about two years until my doctor found something that worked. I have had a lot of painful surgeries, but I have never experienced daily chronic pain, and it was a new experience for me. There was a time when I convinced myself that there was no way that the pain I was experiencing was from a migraine, and my doctor was probably missing a serious brain tumor. Flares can feel scary, and sometimes our thoughts go to extremes, and we convince ourselves that we are dying from a fatal disease.
Will I ever feel like a human again?- When you live with chronic pain, often you grieve the life you had before pain and may start to wonder if you will ever get that life back. I have been living with chronic pain for several years, and oftentimes I wonder if I am ever going to feel like a human again or if I have to accept the reality that I am always going to have to work my life around my pain. Everyone with chronic pain hopes that their pain will go away, but there is always the thought in the back of your mind that your pain is never going to go away. I hope that one day my pain will go away and I will feel like a human again but I have made peace with the fact that I may never get better.
Is my new pain serious? When you live with chronic pain and experience a new pain, often you ignore it unless it becomes so obvious that it has to be something else. I am guilty of ignoring new pain, because when you are used to being in pain all the time, oftentimes, you ignore it and convince yourself that it’s probably nothing and just anxiety. I experience new pain all the time, and sometimes it can be difficult to know when it’s serious, and I need to go to the doctor and when it’s not. Doctors don’t always have answers as to why I am in pain, and sometimes I convince myself it’s all in my head and just anxiety. I really shouldn’t ignore new pain, but often do because a vast majority of the time it ends up being nothing.
Did I cause my pain? Some people with chronic pain have been living with pain their whole lives, but I am fortunate that most of my life, I have lived without pain. I often wonder if there was something I did to cause my pain, and sometimes I will blame myself for my pain. There are a lot of painful medical conditions that doctors don’t know enough about, and you can’t completely prevent them because no one knows what causes them. I try to remind myself that my pain is not my fault, but sometimes you wonder if you did something and it is your fault.
When you live with chronic pain, sometimes it can be difficult to find a doctor who listens to you because sometimes doctors can see anything, and your pain is dismissed and diagnosed as stress. During a flare, oftentimes we have negative thoughts and convince ourselves we have a contagious disease because no one should ever experience that level of pain. It is so important to advocate for yourself and educate your doctors because you are never going to get relief if you are always minimizing your pain. Doctors don’t know everything, and sometimes they will make you feel like your pain is your fault, and it’s so important that you don’t listen to them. I talk a lot about how my pain affects my daily life, but what you may see is the negative thoughts that go through my head when my pain is at its worst. There are a lot of lies we tell ourselves when we are in pain, and it’s important that we don’t believe these lies. What thoughts do you have during a flare? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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