Disabled people are constantly learning new ways to navigate ableist comments because we hear them constantly, and most of the time, I don’t think it’s intentional. Most people don’t know understand what ableism is and say things to disabled people with good intentions without realizing how harm that comment was. I am able to ignore most ableist comments because I know most people aren’t trying to hurt their disabled loved ones and have no idea the harm their ableism is causing. Sometimes I don’t think people care about the feelings of disabled people because they say things to disabled people that are incredibly harmful and know it. I will never understand what made someone think that comment was okay to say to anyone. In this post, I am sharing a few things non-disabled people sometimes say to disabled people that you need to stop saying.
If I had your disability I couldn’t carry on living- Non-disabled people often view disability as something bad that needs to be cured and sometimes will say things like “if I had your disability I couldn’t carry on living,” because they think being disabled is the worst thing that could ever happen to them. It is hard to be disabled in a world designed for us, but being disabled is not the worst thing that will ever happen because you can thrive while being disabled. You should never tell a disabled person, “If I had your disability, I couldn’t carry on living because it implies that you can only live well if you aren’t disabled which couldn’t be further from the truth. If you had my disability, depending on what form you had, you may have some physical challenges, but you could carry on living because a lot of people do. People with disabilities live differently, but you can thrive while living with a disability.
You are only disabled if you want to be– If I had a dollar for every time a non-disabled person has approached me and said, “You are only disabled if you want to be,” I would be filthy rich. Most people who say these types of comments have a hard time accepting a disability and view it as something bad. These types of comments can be harmful because it blames the Individual for their disability and implies it’s my disability is my fault. My disability is something I was born with, and I am still disabled whether I want to be or not because disability is not a choice. Disabled people do not get to decide whether or not they want to be disabled today, and we are disabled even when we don’t want to be. Please stop saying “you are only disabled if you want to be” because disability is not something that you can snap out of or cure by positive thinking.
The only disability in life is a bad attitude- One of the most common and most harmful disability quotes that are often said to disabled people is “the only disability in life is a bad attitude.” I don’t like when people say this because it implies that disability is something bad and that if you were a little more positive, you’d get better. A positive mindset can help you cope with a disability, but you can’t cure a disability with positive thinking. Disability is not a mindset problem, and you will still be disabled regardless of your mindset towards it. It’s okay to be disabled because it’s not bad and is just a different way to live. When I hear someone say “the only disability in life is a bad attitude,” it tells me that you are having a hard time accepting my disability. The first step to accepting a disability is to stop saying quotes like “the only disability in life is a bad attitude” because there are a lot of different disabilities, and being in denial of them hurts disabled people.
You are a burden- When you are disabled, you often need more help than non-disabled people because your disability limits your ability to do some tasks. Sometimes people are not willing to help you and will either directly call you a burden or we will feel that way because you rolled your eyes at us when we asked for help. Disabled people are not burdens to anyone, and the real burden is the lack of accessibility and ableism we have in this world. Telling a disabled person that they are a burden is one of the most harmful things you can say because disabled people already have enough guilt for needing more help. You are only making it worse when you call us a burden or imply that we are. If you don’t have time to help me with a task, just tell me that instead of rolling your eyes at me and making me feel like I am inconveniencing you.
My best friend tried who has your disability tried xyz and was cured- Disabled people are constantly given all kinds of unsolicited health advice because non-disabled people think they know a remedy we have tried that will cure us. I have said before that unsolicited health advice is often ableist, but most people mean well and probably think they are helping. It’s one thing to give a remedy to disabled people that you think will help improve my pain, but it’s something totally different when it suggests cures. I have had people approach me and say, “I know someone with your disability who tried xyz and was cured.” I doubt that you know someone who has my disability who was cured by eating more vegetables because my disability can be managed but it is incurable. It can be harmful to give a disabled person a remedy and claim it will cure them. Many disabled people want to be cured and will try anything that promises a cure, and when that doesn’t happen, it gives a disabled person false hope. I ignore people who give me remedies that claim cures, but that doesn’t make it any less harmful.
Non-disabled people often will give a disabled person advice because they think they are helping and don’t truly understand our disabilities. Most times, I ignore unsolicited health advice because I know it’s completely ridiculous, but not all disabled people will know that and will believe you when you claim cures. It can be hard for non-disabled people to understand the positives of disability, and that is okay because you will never understand a disability you have never experienced. Please be mindful of the way you talk about disability because calling a disabled person a burden is the reason disabled people struggle to accept their disability. Before you say something to disabled people, ask yourself, “How is this comment going to affect disabled people?” Keep that comment to yourself if you think there is even the smallest chance it could negatively impact them. What things have you heard non-disabled people say to disabled people that are harmful? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
New posts are shared most Tuesdays and Thursdays. Subscribe to my blog’s email list to be notified when a new post is published. Emails are always kept confidential and never shared with anyone but most importantly I will never spam you!
My Rockin Disabled Life 