When you are disabled, non-disabled people will sometimes approach you and say that you should be grateful for everything people do for you because of your disability. As a physically disabled person, I need more help than most people and am grateful when someone helps me do a task because there are so many things I couldn’t do without assistance. My disability does not make me more grateful when I receive help than a non-disabled person would be because everyone needs a little help sometimes. Disabled people are grateful for the help we receive, but when you try to use my disability against me and tell me I should be grateful, it’s abliest and makes me feel less grateful. Non-disabled people are always telling disabled people that we need to be grateful for every little thing, but there are a lot of things people expect us to be grateful for that disabled people don’t have to be grateful for. What do disabled people not need to be grateful for? In this post, I am sharing five things that disabled people do not need to be more grateful for than non-disabled people.
We don’t need to be more grateful for the help we receive- When a non-disabled person asks for assistance, people help them without questioning it, but when a disabled person asks for help on that same task, we are called burdens, and people tell us to be grateful. Disabled people need more help than non-disabled people, but I am not more grateful because someone helped me get a cup of water. As a physically disabled person, I thank people when they help me with a task because, depending on the task, sometimes it takes a lot of someone else’s time, and I want people to know that I appreciate them. You are not a better person for helping a disabled person with a small task; you are just a decent human being. You wouldn’t have a problem helping a non-disabled person carry groceries in, so why is it all of a sudden an issue when a disabled person asks for help with that same task? Disabled people do not have to be more grateful for the help they receive because even non-disabled people need a little help sometimes.
We don’t need to be grateful for our partners- When a disabled person is in a relationship with a non-disabled person, people often tell the disabled person they should be grateful for their partner. Disabled people can make great partners because a disability doesn’t make you a good or bad person; actions do. Telling a disabled person that they should be grateful for their partners is incredibly ableist and implies that disabled people bring no value in a relationship, which is so far from true. Relationships with a disabled person look different because you have to run your household in a slightly different way to accommodate your disability, but disabled people do not have to be more grateful for their partners. It is more difficult to get into a relationship when you are disabled because ableism makes it difficult to find someone who can look past your disability and see you as an individual. Disabled people are lovable and can bring a lot to a relationship because, although we may not be able to do tasks that require physical labor, we are able to emotionally support our partners. Disabled people are just as grateful for their partners as non-disabled person would be to us.
We don’t have to be grateful for accessibility- Non-disabled people often view accessibility as “special treatment” and tell disabled people we should be grateful when something is accessible. Accessibility benefits everyone, and when you take the time to make your business accessible, I am not going to pat you on the back because all you’re doing is making it so everyone can access it. Disabled people do not have to be grateful when something is accessible to them and, as a matter of fact, we expect you to follow ADA guidelines at the bare minimum and it is frowned upon when you ignore someone’s access needs. Disabled people are more dependent on others when you ignore accessibility, and we don’t have to be grateful when something is accessible to us. Accessibility is not a privilege you are giving disabled people and it’s a human right. It is important to have your access needs met when you are disabled because inaccessibility is dangerous, and disabled people should be able to access a building just as easily as a non-disabled person can.
We don’t have to grateful for our job- It is more difficult for a disabled person to find a job than it is for non-disabled people because of ableism. Sometimes non-disabled people will tell us that we should be grateful we have a job. It is a privilege to be able to work that not all disabled people have, but we don’t have to be more grateful for our jobs than non-disabled people. Employers who hire inclusively are not better people, and it’s okay for a disabled person to not be grateful for their job and hate it. It is hard for a disabled person to find a job they enjoy because you have more limitations and can’t always work their dream job. Most employers are ableist, and sometimes you have to work a job you hate, and you don’t have to be grateful that someone hired you. Disabled people face all kinds of discrimination in job interviews, and it is okay to be frustrated if you couldn’t get the job you wanted.
We don’t need to be grateful that our pain isn’t worse- When you are disabled and live with chronic pain, often people will approach you and say, “It could be worse, and at least it’s not cancer.” Cancer is a horrible disease that I would not wish on my worst enemy, but it’s not the only painful condition, and there are a lot of medical conditions that can be just as painful or worse than cancer. Pain is still valid even if it’s not threatening, and I am not grateful for my pain because I am not bed-bound, and it could be a lot worse. Telling someone with chronic pain that it could be worse is very dismissive of the pain they are experiencing, and we have to stop doing that to support pain patients. Pain can always be worse, but it can also be a whole lot better!
Disabled people are grateful for people who help them because we wouldn’t be able to live independently without help. I understand that there are going to be times I need help with something and you are busy, and that is okay. I don’t expect people to stop what they are doing and help me immediately, but you don’t have to make disabled people feel like they are inconveniencing you by saying something abliest. If you don’t have time to help me with something, all you have to do is politely tell me that, and I will ask someone else. Disabled people often feel like burdens and sometimes have a lot of guilt because non-disabled people tell us we should be grateful for everything. Please stop telling disabled people that we should be grateful because we are disabled. It’s abliest and disabled people don’t feel supported when you try to use our disabilities against us. What have people told you that you should be grateful for? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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