When you live with chronic pain, sometimes it is frustrating because people don’t see your pain since it is often invisible and expect you to function at the same level that people without pain do. People in pain often experience a lot of stigma because it is often believed that everyone in pain cries endlessly, and if you’re not, it must not be that bad. Most people want to be supportive of their loved ones with chronic pain because you don’t have to experience my pain to validate and be supportive of it. Sometimes, people mean well but are not being as supportive of someone’s pain as they think they are, and say things that can be perceived as a little insensitive and dismissive. As a disabled person who lives with pain, I don’t expect people without chronic pain to understand what I am going through, but the things you say to someone who is struggling matter because insensitive comments can make you feel alone. What shouldn’t you say to someone in pain? In this post, I am going to talk about a few things that you should never say to someone with chronic pain if you want to support them.
At least it’s not cancer- When you live with chronic pain, sometimes people will tell you to be grateful for your pain because it could be worse, and at least it’s not cancer. Cancer is a horrible disease that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but even though I don’t have cancer and my pain isn’t going to kill me, that doesn’t mean I have to be grateful for it. My pain affects everything I do and has taken so much from me, and I wish there was something I could do to get rid of it because you don’t need to have a deadly disease for your pain to be valid. Pain can always be worse, and I am grateful that it doesn’t make me completely bed-bound, but I am not grateful for my pain and am frustrated with it every single day. Please stop telling people with chronic pain, “At least you don’t have,” because it’s not helpful and is dismissive of the pain I am experiencing. Cancer is not the only painful medical condition, and there are a lot of painful conditions that significantly affect your quality of life just like cancer does.
You just need to exercise more- Regular exercise can help some people with chronic pain improve their pain levels, but despite what people believe, you can’t always cure yourself by exercising more. Exercise can be a great suggestion for some people and sometimes you are in pain because you don’t move enough, but telling someone to exercise can also be very bad and harmful advice. Some medical conditions are worsened by physical activity, and telling someone to exercise more can make their pain levels worse. If you see that someone is struggling with pain, instead of telling them to hit the gym more often why not suggest they take a rest day and see if their pain improves because sometimes your exercise is the problem. People often think they are helping when they suggest exercise, but it’s not always as good of advice as you think and sometimes the best thing to do is rest.
My best friend’s sister cut out dairy and was cured- Medication can help improve pain, but diet plays a major role because you have to fuel your body properly to improve pain levels. I am happy that your best friend’s sister improved or even cured her chronic pain by cutting out dairy, but even though a certain diet works for one person, that doesn’t everyone who tries it will get the same results. Some people may have more pain by doing the diet you swore by because everyone responds to different types of diets and some people thrive with fasting while others don’t. We need to stop telling people that if they follow a certain diet program that they will cure themselves because it can give people false hope if it doesn’t work. Diet changes can improve your pain but not often does it cure it.
Do some yoga- Yoga can help people with chronic pain manage their pain levels because yoga is not super high-intensity, and a lot of people can do it without increased pain levels. Many people with chronic pain do yoga, and the belief that it cures you is simply not true. I stretch two times because I use my arms a lot, and it doesn’t take much for them to get tight but I have gotten no relief from my endometriosis pain by stretching more. Yoga can help improve your flexibility and prevent injury, but you cannot stretch your pain away because you can’t change your disability.
Stop taking your meds– When you live with pain and take medication to treat pain sometimes people think that your medication is the problem and will advise you to stop taking your meds. Please never tell anyone to stop taking their meds because it’s very harmful advice, and the only person who should ever tell me to stop taking a medication is my doctor. My medication isn’t the reason I am in pain, and because of my medication, I am able to have a life. We need to stop shaming people for taking medication because sometimes it’s necessary.
You are just anxious- Doctors do not always understand why someone is in pain and sometimes will tell patients that what they are experiencing is just anxiety and not real. Pain can cause anxiety, and if your doctor is telling you that your severe pain is an anxiety attack, please find a new doctor. I have more anxiety than someone without pain, but I feel my pain every day and am very sure that what I am experiencing is real and is not because I have an anxiety disorder. Pain patients should not question themselves, but often we do because our pain is not always easy for others to see, and sometimes people will say we are just a little anxious and to meditate. You can’t meditate pain away, and the best thing you can do for someone in pain is to listen, believe, and try to understand. Telling someone in pain that they are just a little anxious is dismissive of severe pain, and comments like this can be the reason someone feels alone and struggles with depression.
When you live with chronic pain, sometimes it can be difficult to get your friends and family to understand because your pain is invisible, and sometimes people forget you are in pain. People with chronic pain are very good at masking their pain levels, but even though someone is not showing signs of pain, it doesn’t mean we are cured. I fake being well in front of family members because it would make a lot of people in my family sad if I cried every single time I had severe pain levels. It is hard to live with chronic pain because life doesn’t stop, and you still have to find a way to do your household chores. People in pain need more support than someone without pain, and the worst thing you can do when someone is in a flare is to question them or make them prove their pain. What would you never say to someone with chronic pain? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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