When talking about disability, there is a lot of stigma with all disabilities but there is even more when it comes to chronic pain because it is often invisible. People in pain often experience a lot of stigma because it is often believed that everyone in pain cries endlessly, and if you’re not, you must be a faker. Most people want to be supportive of their loved ones with chronic pain but sometimes people are as supportive as they could be and say things that someone with chronic pain may see as insensitive dismissive. It is hard to live in constant pain and people with chronic pain needs more supportive to get through the day. As a disabled person who lives with pain, I don’t expect people without chronic pain to understand what I am going through, but the things you say to someone who is struggling with chronic pain matter because insensitive comments can make you feel alone. What shouldn’t you say to someone in pain? In this post, I am going to talk about a few things that you should never say to someone with chronic pain if you want to support them.
At least it’s not cancer- When you live with chronic pain, sometimes people will tell you to be grateful for your pain because it could be worse, and at least it’s not cancer. Cancer is a horrible disease that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but even though I don’t have cancer and my pain isn’t life-threatening that doesn’t mean I have to be grateful for it. My pain affects everything I do and has taken so much from me, and I wish there was something I could do to get rid of it because you don’t need to have a deadly disease for your pain to be valid. Pain can always be worse, and I am grateful that it doesn’t make me completely bed-bound, but I am not grateful for my pain and am frustrated with it every single day. Please stop telling people with chronic pain, “At least you don’t have,” because it’s not helpful and is dismissive of the pain I am experiencing. Cancer is not the only painful medical condition, and there are a lot of painful conditions that significantly affect your quality of life just like cancer does. People with chronic pain are constantly being dismissed by doctors and told their pain isn’t real and sometimes we wish it was cancer because at least we would have something doctors believed.
You just need to exercise more- Regular exercise can help some people with chronic pain improve their pain levels, but you can’t always cure your chronic pain by exercising more and sometimes it makes it worse. Exercise can be a great suggestion for some people and sometimes you are in pain because you don’t move enough, but telling someone with chronic pain to exercise more is often bad advice. Some medical conditions are worsened by physical activity, and telling someone to exercise more can make their pain levels worse. If you see that someone is struggling with pain, instead of telling them to hit the gym more often why not suggest they take a rest day. People often think they are helping when they suggest exercise, but it’s not always as good of advice as you think and sometimes your exercise routine is the problem.
My best friend’s sister cut out dairy and was cured- Medication can help improve pain, but diet plays a major role because you have to fuel your body properly to improve pain levels. I am happy that your best friend’s sister improved or even cured her chronic pain by cutting out dairy, but even though a certain diet works for one person, that doesn’t everyone who tries it will get the same results. Some people may have more pain by doing the diet you swore by because everyone responds to different types of diets and some people thrive with fasting while others don’t. We need to stop telling people that if they follow a certain diet program that they will cure themselves because it can give people false hope if it doesn’t work. Diet changes can improve your pain but often does it cure it.
Do some yoga- Yoga can help people with chronic pain manage their pain levels because yoga is not super high-intensity, and a lot of people can do it without increased pain levels. Many people with chronic pain do yoga, and the belief that it cures you is simply not true. I stretch two times because I use my arms a lot, and it doesn’t take much for them to get tight, but I have gotten no relief from my endometriosis pain by stretching more. Yoga can help improve your flexibility and prevent injury, but you cannot stretch your pain away because if that was possible I would have cured myself.
Stop taking your meds– When you live with pain and take medication to treat pain sometimes people think that your medication is the problem and will advise you to stop taking your meds. Please never tell anyone to stop taking their meds because it’s very harmful advice, and the only person who should ever tell me to stop taking a medication is my doctor. My medication isn’t the reason I am in pain, and because of my medication, I am able to have a life. We need to stop shaming people for taking medication because medication often saves lives.
You are just anxious- Doctors do not always understand why someone is in pain and sometimes will dismiss severe pain and tell them they are experiencing is just anxiety and not real. Pain can cause anxiety, and if your doctor is telling you that your severe pain is an anxiety attack, please find a new doctor. I have more anxiety than someone without pain, but I feel my pain every day and am very sure that what I am experiencing is real and is not because I have an anxiety disorder. Pain patients should not question themselves, but often we do because our pain is not always easy for others to see, and sometimes people will say we are just a little anxious and to meditate. You can’t meditate pain away, and the best thing you can do for someone in pain is to listen, believe, and try to understand. Telling someone in pain that they are just a little anxious is dismissive of severe pain, and comments like this can be the reason someone feels alone and struggles with depression.
When you live with chronic pain, sometimes it can be difficult to get your friends and family to understand because your pain is invisible, and often people forget you are in pain. People with chronic pain are very good at masking their pain levels, but even though someone is not showing signs of pain, it doesn’t mean that we have gotten better. I fake being well in front of family members because it would make a lot of people in my family sad if I cried every single time I had severe pain levels. It is hard to live with chronic pain because you still have to do house-hold chores but you have to do them in pain. People in pain need more support than someone without pain, and the worst thing you can do when someone is struggling with pain is to question them or make them prove their pain. What would you never say to someone with chronic pain? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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