When you are disabled, sometimes you may require more assistance than non-disabled people because your disability sometimes prevents you from being able to do some tasks. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, but when you are disabled and have to ask for help on tasks most people can do independently, it sometimes makes you feel like you are being a burden to others. Non-disabled people sometimes are not willing to help a disabled person and roll their eyes at us when we ask for assistance. I often find myself over-apologizing for things that I don’t need to be sorry for, because non-disabled people sometimes make me feel like a burden when I ask for help. I am not against apologizing, and if you hurt someone’s feelings, I think you should apologize, but if you are disabled, you don’t need to apologize every time you slightly inconvenience someone, because disability is not your fault. What should disabled people not be apologizing for? In this post, I am going to talk about a few things that disabled people sometimes apologize for that you shouldn’t.
Asking for help-When a non-disabled person asks for help, people help them without asking questions, but when a disabled person asks for help with the same task, non-disabled people get annoyed and make us feel like we are burdening them. There is nothing wrong with asking for help because, whether you are disabled or not, everyone needs help sometimes. If you are disabled, sometimes you require more help, and may feel bad for asking someone to briefly stop what they are doing to help you. Sometimes we apologize to our peers for needing more help, because sometimes we feel like we are inconveniencing them, but you don’t need to apologize every time someone helps you with a task. You did nothing wrong, and if someone makes you feel bad for needing help, that is a them problem, not a you problem. Disabled people are going to need more help than non-disabled people, and that is okay because you can’t change your disability. Non-disabled people are not always going to be willing to help a disabled person, but you should never apologize for asking for help because disability makes a lot of tasks more difficult, if not impossible, and when you apologize for your disability, it implies you did something wrong. You should never apologize for needing help because we all need a little help sometimes.
Needing to cancel plans because of pain- Non-disabled people often do not understand what it’s like to live with chronic pain because pain is often invisible, and people tend to think it’s something that we should push through. Chronic pain is often unpredictable, and sometimes it can be difficult to get out of bed, and you have to bail on an event you have been planning on attending for months. I often feel bad when I can’t go to my niece’s birthday party because of pain, and sometimes I will apologize for things I could not have anticipated that were out of my control. People are not always going to understand why you canceled something at the last minute just because you look fine, but you should never apologize for it. Don’t apologize for needing to cancel plans because your pain isn’t your fault, and you could be doing everything right and still have an unexpected flare.
Crashing into a wall because of inaccessibility– Society does not see accessibility as something important, and a lot of people think it’s something that only disabled people benefit from, but it benefits everyone. Inaccessibility is important for me as a disabled person, and when something is not accessible, I often will hit walls with my wheelchair because I don’t have enough room to navigate. Sometimes I find myself apologizing for inaccessibility and often have to remind myself that inaccessibility is not the fault of the disabled person, and it’s the fault of the business owner who didn’t prioritize accessibility. You should never apologize for hitting a wall with your wheelchair due to inaccessibility, because if it were accessible, you would be able to easily navigate and wouldn’t be taking paint off the wall.
Taking more time to do things- When you have a physical disability, sometimes it takes more time to do certain tasks than it would take a non-disabled person. Non-disabled people sometimes get impatient when it’s taking a disabled person a long time to go to the bathroom, and will roll their eyes at us, thinking it will speed things up. Disabled people often do things at a slightly slower pace than non-disabled people because we have to accommodate our disabilities, and that is okay. You don’t need to apologize to your peers for doing things at a slower pace because it’s not like you are doing that on purpose. You are disabled, and sometimes it is more difficult to do tasks and may take you longer, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Never apologize for taking more time to do a task because it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to do something, and the only thing that matters is that it got done.
When you are disabled, sometimes it takes you a little more time to do things than non-disabled people, and often we apologize for things that we shouldn’t be apologizing for. There is a time and place for apologies, and if you hurt someone’s feelings, you should apologize to them, but you should never apologize for needing more help because it implies you did something wrong. Non-disabled people sometimes will make disabled people feel like they are the problem when they advocate for more accessibility, and it’s so important that you don’t apologize for things that are not your fault. Inaccessibility is not the fault of the disabled person, and never will you see me apologize for requesting more access because I did nothing wrong, and it’s society’s fault for not prioritizing accessibility. You should only apologize when you did something wrong, because when you apologize for things that are out of your control, you are taking the blame. What things do you think disabled people should never apologize for? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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