When you are disabled, sometimes you get annoyed with non-disabled people because they consistently do things that are harmful to the disabled community. Sometimes I think people don’t care about the feelings of disabled people and will continue to use ableist language regardless of how many times you tell them it’s negatively impacting you. I don’t always think it’s intentional, and sometimes I think non-disabled people do things with good intentions without realizing the harm it’s causing because they aren’t disabled and it doesn’t bother them. As a disabled person, I don’t always call out my non-disabled friends’ ableism because it would be exhausting to do that, but I do frequently get annoyed with non-disabled people even though I don’t always say anything. What do I wish non-disabled people would stop doing? In this post, I am sharing a few things non-disabled people sometimes do that I wish they would stop doing.
I wish you would stop calling yourself an expert- Disabled people are the only true disability experts, but sometimes non-disabled people think they are experts because they know a disabled person. If you know a disabled person, you may have more medical knowledge about their disability than the average person would, but it still doesn’t make you an expert. Loved ones of disabled people often think they are experts, and I wish people without disabilities would stop calling themselves experts. I know a lot of non-disabled people who know me who say ableist things all the time and get the most obvious things wrong about disability that a true expert would know are harmful. You are not an expert because you care for a disabled person, and I wish you would stop calling yourself an expert. Non-disabled people will never understand disability to the extent a disabled person does, and I would hardly call you an expert when you can’t even tell me what ableism is.
I wish you would stop using the word retarded- Disabled people do not always use the same terminology because everyone has different opinions, and some people may identify as handicapped while others won’t. One of the things that most of us can agree on is the harm in using the word retarded. Non-disabled people often use that word in their everyday language, and I wish people would stop because it’s insulting to disabled people. When you use the word retarded it makes fun of people with severe intellectual disabilities and implies you are as stupid as them, and this word should not be in your vocabulary. I wish people would stop using the word retarded because there are so many other things you can say that are not insulting to disabled people.
I wish you would stop justifying inaccessibility- Accessibility is important for disabled people, but sadly not everyone thinks accessibility is important. Non-disabled people sometimes will say that accessibility is expensive and say that it is okay to be inaccessible sometimes. We need to stop justifying inaccessibility and telling businesses that it’s okay to not be accessible because it’s hurting disabled people and making our lives harder than they have to be. It is not okay to completely ignore accessibility because you are leaving out your disabled customers when you do that. I wish non-disabled people would stop telling businesses what they want to hear and start telling them that they need to prioritize accessibility, which is what they need to hear. Accessibility benefits everyone, and I wish people would stop making excuses for inaccessibility by telling them it’s okay, because it’s not.
I wish people would stop making fun of disabilities- As a disabled person, I have been made fun of because of my disability more times than I care to admit. Most of the time, it’s children who don’t know any better, but I do sometimes hear adults who should know better make fun of disabilities. I wish non-disabled people would stop making fun of disabilities because it’s not funny and hurts the feelings of disabled people. Many disabled and chronically ill people experience a lot of pain, and laughing at them because they are spending a long time in the bathroom is not okay. As a disabled person, I never make fun of other disabilities because you never know what type of pain someone is experiencing, and there is nothing funny about being in pain.
I wish you would stop assuming my abilities- When you have a visible disability, often people will assume that you can’t do a task and will do it for you. I wish people would stop assuming my abilities and start asking if I need help instead of assuming I do. I can do more things than people give me credit for, and I wish people would see my disability and assume that I can’t do something, because I can do things people think I can’t do.
I wish you wouldn’t get mad when I call out your ableism- Non-disabled people often do not understand ableism and sometimes get mad when disabled people call you out on it. I wish people wouldn’t get mad when I call out your ableism because disabled people aren’t trying to be mean and are trying to make you more aware so you don’t say that ableist comment to someone else who would be more offended.
I wish you wouldn’t push my wheelchair without asking- Non-disabled people often come up to me and start pushing my wheelchair without asking because they think it’s helpful. If I am tired and need help pushing my wheelchair, I will ask for help, but I wish you wouldn’t start pushing me without permission. It’s not helpful if I don’t want it and it invades my personal space, and I wish people would ask first and listen when I say no. Wheelchair users do not always want to be pushed and find it very annoying when people start pushing us without permission.
I wish you would stop calling all disabled inspiring- Non-disabled people often tell random disabled people that they are inspiring because they think they are complimenting them. I wish people would stop doing that because it’s not the compliment people think it is, and there are so many other things you can say. Disabled people are not here to inspire you, and telling a disabled person they are inspiring for existing is insulting.
I wish you would stop getting your information from the media- Non-disabled people often get a lot of their information about disability from the media, and I wish people would stop doing that. Disability is very poorly portrayed in the media, and that is the reason why most people think everyone fakes disabilities, because that is how disability is portrayed. I wish people would get their information from disabled people who know what they are talking about and stop getting their information from things they see on the news.
I wish you would stop telling disabled people they need to be fixed– Disability is often seen as something bad that needs to be cured. Some disabled people will want to be cured, but not all disabled people do, because you can be happy while being disabled. I wish non-disabled people would stop telling disabled people that they need to be fixed because the only thing that needs fixing is how you view my disability. When you tell a disabled person that they need to be fixed, it’s incredibly harmful and doesn’t make me feel good about myself because it implies there is something wrong with me. I wish non-disabled people would unlearn their ableism and stop telling disabled people they need to be fixed.
I wish people would stop asking personal questions- Non-disabled people often will go up to a disabled person and start asking personal question because they are curious. It is okay to be curious but I wish people would stop expecting disabled people to answer every personal question you have. I am not comfortable telling a complete stranger how I go to bathroom and shouldn’t be forced to. Many of the personal questions I am asked, you can look up online and I wish people would before asking disabled people personal questions.
Non-disabled people do not understand disability to the extent a disabled person does and sometimes will say things with good intentions without realizing it’s insulting. I wish that there was some way to help non-disabled people fully understand my disability, but you will never understand a disability you have never experienced, and that is okay. You don’t have to understand my disability to be accepting of it, but you should listen to disabled people. Non-disabled people do a lot of things that annoy me as a disabled person, and a lot of the time it’s because people don’t educate themselves on ableism. What do you wish non-disabled people would stop doing? If you liked this post, please leave a comment below and share it with your friends.
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